Do you love or lust after someone more when you can't have them? Does their indecision and disinterest just make you want them more? Read on to understand why... Read More
Anytime, I showed interest in a woman and she wasn't receptive -- I just dropped it right there and moved on.
I can't recall any feeling of wanting her more. If she's not interested I accepted that -- why play games?
They have to give me some clue that they are open to me otherwise, I won't wast my time and end up looking like a fool.
Tired of the game? Yes! But you make it sound so fun, Dr. J. Currently my dating life can be best expressed through the Lady Gaga country anthem: Something about the Chase, as there is a man in my place of work who is the only man I asked out in the past 3 years (since my divorce) I have gone on 4 dates total and they were all, admittedly, atrocious. So this guy that I asked out had just started seeing someone and it has been cat and mouse ever since...He gives me strange, confused or grumpy looks whenever I see him...I usually drop things when he is around..one time I flipped a plastic fork over my head which then got stuck in my hair..I'm still not sure exactly how that happened....I don't call him. I don't talk to him. I don't seek him out like some depraved sociopath...but yet I still get this feeling that he thinks I am insane.
Anyway, sometimes I loathe human beings and all of our antics. I wonder if this same phenomenon was around before Capitalism? Is it instinctual (I imagine scarcity anxiety has some instinctual roots.)...but I would think that part of evolution would mean evolving past these animalistic tendancies and irrational fears..let's not forget the damn ego.
I do not want what I have not got. There. Now I feel much more civilized and maybe I just reclaimed my dignity. ;)
I'm not surprised he thinks you are insane.
A lot of this was covered a few years back on the TV show, "The pick-up artist". While I do agree it is helpful advice for men to play hard to get, I actually think the opposite is true for women. It does seem to be true if a man is surrounded by women that other women seem to think he is more attractive (probably because he seems harder to get). The opposite doesn't seem true from what I've seen though. I know if I'm out at a bar and there's a woman I find attractive but she is in a group of 2 or 3 (or more) guys I will pretty much just move onto a set of girls that are by themselves (a group of 2 or 3 girls with no men in the picture). My thought is its just too much of a hassle to break through all the guys in the first group. I've seen this to be very much the same with any other guys I'm hanging out with too. Even guys I don't know I notice will stay away from groups where there are men in it too, especially 1 woman and three or four guys. I think the psychology just is different for the genders. My advice to women who want to meet a man is be very straight forward and just walk up to the guy. I've had this happen a few times when I've been out and I'll tell you even if I'm not attracted to her I've always been polite and many times have become friends with these girls. Most men I know like a woman to walk up to them and initiate the conversation. 9 times out of 10 the guy will be very happy she initiated.
If everyone is playing hard to get, doesn't that mean that no one is going out with anyone? Aren't we all just playing hard to get?
PS - the part where he doesn't call or text (which means, as it turns out he's not into you after all) is excrutiating...
1) Yes - many people are playing hard to get and not really enjoying going out with anyone. But, the alternative is "easy to get", and few people seem to value those who take that approach. So, unfortunately, there appears to be a bit of a catch-22 and a balancing act. I think being "selectively attainable" is probably the best compromise in that instance.
2) I agree. Finding out that someone wasn't "playing hard to get", but rather was not interested is painful for both men and women (of all sexual orientations). It is a bitter pill to be sure. That is why we are often motivated to wish, hope, and chase, rather than actually test and confirm others' feelings. Nevertheless, it is still better tested early - so as little time is wasted chasing something truly unrequited as possible.
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I play hard to get long enough to get the women into bed and give them a big rush of dopamine. Then I leave them hi and dry with a huge dose of cortisol running through their brains. That way they get to learn a lesson for chasing the bad boys and wake the hell up. Most of the stupid women that believe in "THE ONE" finally get a well deserved life lesson that the one they seek is truly inside of themselves and not some fantasy they have cooked up.
I am doing nice guys a favor by treating women like shit so they will learn a lesson. I get sick of women only wanting me when I treat them like I don't want them. They deserve to be shit on!!!
Actions speak a lot louder than words and that is exactly what women's actions say they want. I quit listening to what comes out of their mouths a long time ago.
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Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., is a doctor of social and personality psychology, with a focus on influence, persuasion, and dating.
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