Resilience to Bullying

Dedicated to promoting the power of the individual to deal with bullying on their own.

Why Schools Deny that Bullying Causes Suicide

Articles about bullied kids committing suicide routinely report that the school administration insists the suicide was not the result of bullying. Why do they deny the obvious? Perhaps it is a byproduct of our anti-bullying laws that hold schools legally responsible for the bullying among students. Read More

Valuable Article to the bullying issue

I think this article raises a lot of very good points.

1) The legal position in the US is that that business/schools/
organizations should be omniscient and omnipotent. If there
is a drama, someone somewhere did not do the right thing or
did not do enough. The blame must be assigned somewhere, the
fact that tragedy just happens is not acceptable.

2) Because we love our kids doesn't mean we raised them well.
Because we love our spouse doesn't mean we know what it takes
to maintain a healthy relationship.
But somehow when we loose loved ones, we are suddenly endowed
with moral authority. Without making light of the profound
pain and trauma involved in such situations, I do not see how
suffering a great loss suddenly gives us more insight.

3) My experience is that we are basically asking people in
organizations to prevent tragedies that they cannot possibly
prevent.

4) In my work I cannot even say I am sorry because that would be
admitting I did something wrong thus opening the road to
lawsuits.

5) In the same way School Administrations are forced to deny the
obvious even when they would much prefer being sane about it
and do what is needed to heal the situation.

6) Extreme anti bullying measures can bully other people into
taking accountability where there is none to take.

Fundamentally we are becoming more and more a culture that doesn't want to take responsibility for our own lives.

If I or my family die tomorrow, most probably it is not Airlines fault, or the City's fault for not fixing the hole in the street, or the Hospital that didn't stitch us right. 99.9% of the time, it's just life that I have to accept on its own term and deal with my grief without projecting it into Society.

This is full of absurd generalities

Unfortunately, they are generalities that fewer and fewer people can see through.

Sometimes, a deadly accident is the fault of the airline, or of the city, or of the hospital. Going through the grueling process of uncovering the facts and facing them is no cakewalk, but it most certainly has everything to do with taking responsibility for one's own life and the lives of others. Contrary to popular stereotypes, a lot of people would rather not know, but if they do take the responsibility to find out, what they uncover may very well save the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.

There is no legal requirement that any organization be omniscient and omnipresent. Anyone who has ever sued will know that in general, they must prove that they gave ample, timely notice to the proper people, or else they cannot maintain a suit against those people. Any hyperbole to the contrary is just that -- hyperbole.

It's quite our nature not to know how something devastating will feel to us until we experience it. For example, no matter what anyone may tell you about it in advance, no one knows what losing an immediate family member means until it happens to them. This is simply a fact. If you don't know it yet . . . you almost certainly will.

The rest of your post sounds like various talking points and special pleading -- very vague special pleading at that.

Which organization is required to prevent some "tragedy" or other that it "cannot possibly prevent?" To say that there are laws requiring anyone to prevent what no one can prevent is an outright falsehood. There is no such law.

What anti-bullying measures are bullying people into taking accountability where there is none? You will have to be more specific.

Expressing regret that something hurtful happened to a person will not expose you to liability in a lawsuit where you had none in the first place. You are positing that an average juror cannot distinguish between, "I regret so much that this happened to you," and "I apologize for doing this to you," or "I apologize for failing in my duties to prevent this from happening to you."

Here, by the way, is a reality check:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/18/us/18apology.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

This is a real article, about accepting real responsibility, for real mistakes.

Mr Kalman's view of bullying

Mr Kalman's view of bullying in one picture:

https://www.explosm.net/comics/3094/

Perspective of a High School Senior Living in the Anti-Bullying Generation

I've been bullied, I've struggled with depression, and even addiction. I have overcome these issues since their inception within the past 8 years and I'm still just a high school senior. Bullies would always get to me but my dad taught me exactly what this article stated but with a second technique that no school would teach. There are instances where bullies can easily be ignored when being verbally abusive, but what do you do when they're physically abusive?

From Kindergarten to high school my dad would always tell me, "They can say whatever they want, but if they put your hands on you then you have my permission to fight back. Don't worry about the school rules." It has become the norm to condemn violence, even in cases of self-defense. Remember the saying, "practice makes perfect"? Why not apply it to standing up for yourself? If the norm changes and kids practice standing up for themselves, it will become their natural response to abuse. The schools I went to, like all schools nationwide are teaching kids that bullying is a power imbalance that leaves the victim helpless. On top of that they give an ultimatum where telling an adult/"snitching" is the only solution, which in reality works only a small percentage of the time while simultaneously kicking every other option out the door.

Eliminating the option of fighting back eliminates opportunities that build self-confidence and courage, both of which are essential characteristics to a happy life. People who struggle with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression all share the same commonality of having little to no self-confidence or courage. If we start encouraging the bullied that they have just as much, if not, more power than the bullies themselves then our dreams of solving this social problem might be within reach.

Bullying

Excellent. Bullies are usually big babies and the fear of getting hurt is eliminated when rules are in place in schools that do not allow a victim to stand up for himself. Shine a light on the problem. call him out in a crowd. Bullies cower in the shadows, have a couple of henchmen. And whatever happened to parents going over to the bullies house and talking with the bully and the parent. That usually shines a light on the real problem. The bully may be getting bullied at home, by and older sibling or an abusive parent.

Bullying in schools

If a child cannot seek help by telling someone of their situation because it would worsen the cause, but instead are told to not let the bullying bother them, what would be the solution if the child just could not shake off the harshness of their peers. not all individuals have a hard skin to handle bullying. I believe that a child should go to an adult and they should try to work out the problems or find a different solution, other than just shaking it off.

The Real Problem

As someone who has been extensively bullied I have some strong emotional feelings on this subject. I just wanted to say that the thing that hurts most about bullying is that it makes you feel worthless. You can know that your family loves you to death, that there are people who care about you, and that this shouldn't effect you because you are strong enough to push it off your back and move on. That is why bullying is so hard-you know how you should feel but it is just impossible. It feelis like the people who do love you will soon see you the way those people who are telling you you're fat and ugly, a bad person without a good personality, someone who's worth nothing, the odd one out no matter where you go, never having friends because they can't stand you, do. It is a constant fear that you are alone or will be alone because people are going to realize they never actually liked you after all. Self confidence is the big struggle here. I have been working on moving on from the detremental things that have been said to me, but they are always there, lurking in the back of my mind, a scar, telling me that maybe they were right, no, they were right. It is a one step forward, two steps back thing for me. Everyday.

What needs to happen is positive reinforcment and perhaps even self esteme classes. The positive reinforcment is really the vital thing here. People that the victims of bullying look up to, such as teachers and coaches need to be telling the kids what a good job they are doing at whatever it is, be it an essay, class discussion, ball game or in aother authority figure driven group activities things of the sort. The coach or teacher can't just tell the star student or player that they are doing great, they have to individually tell everyone. Likely, the kid who is sitting quitely in the back and not doing amazing things is the one in pain. Finding anysmall detail to help this kid feel good about themself is important. If the self confidence of the bullied individual can be brought back up they will feel like they are worth something to someone. If the victem feels like another person truly cares about their well being, especially if it is not family who the victim might feel is "obligated" to love them, this positive reinforcment can do wonders for recovery.

Positive reinforcment by authority figures is the way to go for these mistreated people. Once self confidence is built back up and the person feels like they matter in the grand scheme of things is acheived, I believe that we will have a much happier society.

This article links to a "testimonial" that is clearly phony

If you read the supposed letter from the parent of a bullying victim, you will see that it has countless indicia of a fraud. Go to the article by this author about how experts are exacerbating the bullying problem, and read what is in that thread.

Far too many people look up to bullies, and pity the victims. This is the real problem. When you truly no longer see the world in those terms, then you have the tools to solve the problem.

This is my blog - I think it

This is my blog - I think it is something you may be interested in signing and sharing?

https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/rt-hon-david-cameron-mp-get-rid-o...

tips to children who are bullied

I find your ideas very interesting and refreshing, in particular, the part on teaching children to protect themselves.

I am a volunteer telephone counsellor for children in the context of an NGO and I have no professional training in psychology. So I follow our counselling models. And when children come with bullying issues, we are trained to listen and eventually if the conversation comes to "what can i do ", we are told to ask whether they have alerted the school, their parents, other adults...

It is not satisfactory. It doesn t feel right to say to a child to go get protection from adults. I can tell they want to know how to stand up for themselves.

What tips would you give to a child that says they are being bullied at school and they are desperate to try something to change?

tips to children who are bullied

Ann, you are right about being uncomfortable telling kids to tell an adult. What is that adult going to do? Do they know how to make the bullying stop? By getting involved, the adult is more likely to escalate hostilities between the kids.

My website has a great deal of free useful information for kids. There is a manual, How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied without Really Trying: http://bullies2buddies.com/how-to-stop-being-teased-and-bullied-without-...

You can also find some helpful videos on the following page (I especially recommend showing kids the one titled, The Idiot Game: http://bullies2buddies.com/resources/video-clips/

I hope this helps!

Best Wishes,
Izzy Kalman

Of course they don't know how to stop it

IF they, like you, believe that the bully is some sort of "alpha" superior being and that the bullied deserve what they get unless they develop remarkable psychological insights at a very young age, and of course on demand.

Let me start by asking you -- do you seriously think that the children of ultra-rich people have this problem? Will Bill Gates's children have this problem? Hmm, why not? Are they cuter, better athletes, do they have superior emotional intelligence? Please. We all know why they won't.

There are plenty of intelligent things an adult can do that have nothing to do with exacerbating the situation -- provided they have a real sense of right and wrong, that is. Provided they will forgo a Blu-ray player for tuition to a better school!

The "don't let it bother you" story is easy only for people who are unassimilated. For example, if they know from direct personal experience that France is different, or Spain, or Norway, or the Czech Republic, or Sweden, then that makes all the difference. They know there are social groups that don't subscribe to the vile social Darwinism that is rampant here. But what if they only know about this morass?

Let me clue you in about bullies. The adults here even bully the children of their friends. I know someone who has a wonderful kid, very successful at a young age, and the "friends" of the mother always criticize him for one thing or another. She didn't realize what was going on until I pointed it out to her.

It's spelled J E A L O U S Y.

Every last bully is a loser. No exceptions.

Here's one of the "words of

Here's one of the "words of wisdom" suggestions from this author:

"Can you hate someone who really doesn't hate you? No! . . . [People] can't go on hating people who honestly don't hate them." Etc.

Absolutely amazing. Read it for yourself, you won't believe it.

stories of 7 teen suicides because of bullying

Hi Izzy!

Bullying does not just take place in school or at any physical place. Unfortunately, there is what is known as cyber bullying. Although this happens with just the computer monitor or a device in front, it is as cruel as any other type of bullying

social media is one of biggest sources of cyberbullying, here you can find some cases http://nobullying.com/stories-of-7-teen-suicides-because-of-ask-fm-bully...

Psychological bullying is often difficult to ignore.

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Izzy Kalman is the author/creator of the website Bullies2Buddies.com and a serious critic of the anti-bully movement.

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