Understanding the Man with Borderline Personality Disorder Read More
I find the headers on PT very confusing. This article has the header "Is the Man in Your Life Hard to Love?" but in fact it really addresses a very different question: Is the man in your life struggling to find emotional stability and self-awareness? There is, of course, no reason someone in such a struggle would be any harder to love than anyone else.
I'd like to be surprised but I'm not. Reading this post I was going going through in my mind "ticking" of so many points. I didn't want to but I was.
I've been dealing with this for many years but sometimes still have trouble accepting it. I don't really understand why
Thank you for sharing this
I'm glad that you and other psychologists and psychiatrists are educating the public about the fact that borderline pd isn't just a "women's disorder", and that the behaviors and traits of bpd can present somewhat differently in men and women (as they can from individual to individual)
My mother was formally diagnosed with bpd (in her 40's, the first time) but for whatever reason her behaviors were more like the male presentation you described:
She was a very unhappy, even miserable person but her misery took the form of anger; she acted out her rage and frustration (I called this behavior of mother's a "rage-tantrum") instead of acting in,
She was very thin-skinned RE criticism (even *perceived* criticism could trigger a rage-tantrum),
She displayed paranoid ideation rather often,
She was very controlling, and
She could switch from happy or calm into rage or into crying in a flash.
She had a hard time letting go of grudges, and
She sought constant praise and attention and would fish for compliments.
My mother also had a need to blame others, particularly dad, Sister and me, for her unhappiness. Nothing was ever mother's fault, whatever the problem was, someone else had caused it. This resulted in my younger Sister and I being subjected to terrifying physical abuse and emotional abuse throughout our growing-up years. We were even accused of saying and doing things we hadn't, and punished for it.
I reached adulthood in a kind of numb state, unable to access my feelings and with avoidant pd traits, and my little Sister grew up with large chunks of amnesia RE her childhood and teen years.
So, please do continue to educate the public about the nature of bpd, the range of characteristic behaviors and traits it carries, and the effective treatments that are now available for men and women who have it.
Reason why there's so many more BPD women than men is simple. Fighting. If a man acts like a BPD (that isn't gay) he gets his @$$ kicked. Hence, far fewer BPD men than women. Not very complex, is it?
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Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D., is the supervising psychologist at the University of Connecticut Health Center.
When and how should we open up to loved ones?