Is yesterday's fairy tale a thing of the past?  Out with the old and in with the new.  Have today's youth created a new twist to the traditional relationship?  It seems so, whether it's called "Hooking Up", "Friends With Benefits", or "No Strings Attached", this new relationship dynamic is taking off.  It's becoming so popular --- that even Hollywood is capitalizing on it with movies such as "Friends with Benefits" with Justin Timberlake set to be released this summer and "No Strings Attached" starring Ashton Kutcher released this past January.  Oh, and let's not forget there was a movie called "Hooking Up" released a few years ago.  Although these movies were not based on teen relationships, they surely have an influence on teen behavior.  So, what is this new fad? 

In today's terms, "hooking up" covers a broad range of things from kissing to going all the way.  The philosophy behind this new way of dating is a, you go your way I'll go mine and there's no strings attached once all is said and done.  So, the concept of dating as we once knew it, (asking someone out, going to a nice dinner and /or movie) well that's just too old-fashioned.  Some say that the term dating is even dated.  I wonder is this new "easy go lucky" relationship style here to stay?  See who you want when you want, no commitment or emotional ties, no more monogamous relationships.  Are we moving in this direction?  

One contribution to this modern approach to dating is, now more than ever, teens seem to hang out in large groups.   They connect to go to parties, the movies, the mall and chill at each other's houses.  It's not uncommon to see them go to big events together, either.  Take for example the prom; many teens will go as a group as opposed to with a date.  They rent a limo, go to dinner, attend after prom parties together, and then many may "hook up".  No strings attached is an agreement between both parties not to expect anything emotionally more than an occasional fling.  This way no one gets hurt because they're just "friends with benefits".  

Does this type of relationship lead to sex?  Well that depends, while research trends are showing a negative trend in teen pregnancy, there's been a spike in "heavy petting" (non-penetrative sex) and oral sex.  It seems teens are using electronic media as an avenue to "hook up".  Through sexting and looking up graphic sexual photos teens are becoming more exposed to sexual activities at an earlier age. 

Surveys indicate tweens as young as 12 years are admitting to "hooking up".  Oh and get this, you may think that all of this sexual activity is happening at night when they're out with their friends but teens report they are more apt to have sexual encounters between the hours of 3-6pm on weekdays.  This is the time when there's a lack of parental supervision or supervised activity to keep them occupied.  

Research also suggests, teens are "hooking up" a lot by using digital communication and social networking sites.  Once again, our high tech "digi" world is making this type of relationship more appealing to teens.  The internet is quick, easy and highly accessible.  This helps make e-communication an expressway to the "hook up" culture. 

The problem is conversations on the internet can impersonalize relationships.  Teens can be more blunt and bold in their conversations (including sexual ones).  They may say things that they would not otherwise dream of saying in person.  It's no surprise teens are experimenting with more sexual things on-line.  With a quick search on the internet, you can pull up all kinds of sexually explicit sites and graphic photos. 

The next big question:  What do you do to protect your teen?  Below are some tips to ensure your teen is exercising good judgment in his or her relationships.

Parent Tips:

1. Start talking about sex early with your teen. It's never too late to talk to your teen about sexual relationships and your values and expectations. Although, this conversation may not be comfortable for either of you, letting your teen's curiosity get the best of him or her isn't a good idea either. Contrary to what you think, teens do listen. Don't preach or lecture, just talk.

2. Teens learn a lot about sexuality on-line. Make sure that they are using reputable and informative sites to search for the information. I have provided a couple of links for you in the resources section.

3. Know who your teen is hanging out and communicating with both on and off-line. Who are they texting? If you want to know who your teen is talking to on the phone consider a cell plan with shared minutes. This will help you monitor the phone and text activity of your teen.

4. Know where your teen is during unsupervised times. If your teen's not involved in activity, help find one to fill in the unsupervised time. Whether this activity is a sport, music lesson, or work; it's important to know what your teen is doing when you're not around.

5. Be there for your teen. Encourage honest and open communication. When your teen comes in from a night out with friends, sit down and talk to him or her. Don't be nosy, just be interested.

So, how does this modern day Cinderella story end?  It's hard to say.  There have been many love stories where "hooking up" turned into its own fairy tale.  Although, it seems hard to imagine today's teen, explaining to their future children "yeah, I "hooked up" with that girl in high school versus "I dated her" in high school.  Time will only tell how this modern day version fairy tale ends.  "One thing's for certain, if I were Cinderella, I'd personally be cautious not to invest in too many glass slippers.  It could get expensive.  Stick to flip flops." 

What do you think?  Weigh in with your thoughts.

Resources:

1. Reputable Site- Teen Health FX - http://teenhealthfx.com/

2. Reputable Site - Sex Etc. Organization - http://sexetc.org/

3. Reputable Site - Teen Help - http://www.teenhelp.com/index.html

4. CDC - "US Teenage Birthrate Resumes Decline" - http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db58.pdf

5. The National Campaign - "Teen Pregnancy in the United States" - http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/FastFacts_TeenPregnancyinUS.pdf

6. Oral Sex Study Abstract - Journal of Pediatric Psychology - http://jpepsy.oxfordjournals.org/content/28/4/243.abstract

7. Report on Tween and Teen Dating and Abuse - http://www.loveisrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/tween-and-teen-dating-abuse-survey.pdf