Teen Angst

...and not the latest, that of the Pew Internet Project, cited here (http://www.netfamilynews.org/?p=28684), which says 4% of US 12-to-17-year-olds have sent and 15% have received. If 96% of teens DON'T send sexts (and receiving is for the most part no choice of their own), it's hardly "a new rage"!

I know right...and studies show its actually ADULTS who are sexting. Another thing I want to point out is...if sexting is "wrong" then why arent there articles warning GROWN people about the dangers seeing as they are the biggest precentage of sexters(hey i am included in the grown people category)?

I dont get why this whokle thing is being made into a big deal especially since most teens arent doing it and when there are much bigger issues to tackle....such as teaching abstinance instead of sex ed. childhood hunger,ect ect ect not some dimwits sending nudie pics.

*making a correction..... I mean tackling issues such as why schools teach abstinance instead of sex ed....there thats better

I think parents invading their teens' Facebooks and doing random "phone checks" is just the kind of hovering that would make their kids act out more. If teens think something is "bad" or forbidden, they'll want to do it even more, and they will find a way. An internet safety class? No teenager would take that seriously. I'm 18, and the kids I met in high school who would be involved in sexting, the ones who lost their virginity at 14 in their boyfriend's backseat in the school parking lot, are the ones with these kinds of helicopter parents. These always seem to be the parents who think they're helping their kids when, really, they have no idea what's going on in their lives. I think the test of a good parent is one who doesn't need to hover, who raised their teen well enough that they can let them learn from their small mistakes and trust that they are smart enough not to make big ones, like sexting pictures. Teens always find a way around the parents.

I know you know much more than me about child psychology, but I'm just speaking from experience.

As a stepparent to a young teen girl who was caught sending these sorts of photos to a boy who asked for them, the question is, what can you do about it? You can't change the way the ex-spouse parents (which admittedly has something to do with it) and taking away the technology solves the problem but doesn't teach responsible use and fix any self-esteem problem of being so desperate for a boy's attention that she'll knowingly do the wrong thing. On the one hand, every site for parents say keep an eye on kids, on the other, every kid says let there be trust ... and it's too late when another parent calls to tell you what your child is doing unsupervised. According to commenter Juliana, by hovering now that she has broken the trust, her parents will drive her to even more desperate acts of rebellion. So many of these articles talk about what it is but not what to do about it when it happens in your home.

It sounds like you, your family and more importantly your step-daughter have been through a lot. You're right, my blog is more of way to get information to parents to prevent their teen from sexting. It doesn't cover the aftermath or consequences of it. I will address this issue, as well as provide coping strategies in a future blog.

Without knowing more of the situation, I can't give a specific plan for your step-daughter but for now here are few general things that you can do.

1. If the photos were posted to any sites request removal. If the boy doesn't remove them go directly to the site's operator and report abuse. Also, if rude comments are being shared on social networking sites close her account and open a new one, only accepting close friends. You can also use the "block" feature on sites to keep abusive behavior from occuring. If the messages are occuring via cell, you can either block numbers or change to a new number.
2. Encourage an open dialogue with your teen. Talk about how she feels. Let her know that you're there for her. You may also want to consider having her speak with a counselor or helping professional that will help her work on her self-esteem and confidence.
3. Let her know that we all make mistakes, the key is learning from them. While she can't go back in the past and change anything, she can definitely grow from this experience into a better person.

Thank you for reading "Teen Angst" and keep posted for a future blog on this issue.

What do you do when the other parent, who the children live with, does not support you in trying to monitor and discipline the child that is sexting. She just went and told him to change his password so that we could not see it anymore. So frustrating, I just care about my son/step-son and she just wants to go against us, no matter what the cost. HELP!!

Don't forget - kids these days have multiple real/fake accounts even on the same site. Child's privacy is a privilege that needs to correspond to verifiable positive behavior patterns.