Tech Support

I read this article with no phone turned on, no television or radio blaring, the sound turned off on my computer speakers, my wristwatch off my wrist (that I wear one may not be the the first clue that I'm not a Millennial myself, but it's certainly a big one). It's just me and my computer, in a quiet room, flooded with sunlight. That's the way I like to read.

When my husband and I eat dinner together (almost every night), we do so in front of a movie or TV show that we both chose, and usually eat food that I cooked on a conventional stove (we do not own a microwave). We eat, drink, watch, talk, laugh together. If the phone rings, it goes unanswered. If the doorbell rings, it goes unanswered, unless we are expecting someone. It's just us, the two of us, together, sharing a movie and a meal and our observations of both.
We are getting ready to celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary. This year will be the 40th anniversary of the day we met. We have always related like this, being with each other in the moment, sharing experiences, observations, laughter, tears. Living this way has sustained us through good times and bad.

I am saddened by the easy distractedness of some of the young people I know, the seeming inability to go deep into one thing, the always staying afloat on the surface, distracted by each new stimulus like a newborn with a mobile hanging over its crib. You can never truly know yourself without silence and singular focus. If you never really get to know (and love) yourself, how can you really know or love another? That's how family, friends, lovers, spouses become just another plug-and-play attachment in a virtual world.

I do have some young friends and relatives who are having serious, mutual, reciprocal relationships; when I think about it, each of them is also involved in some kind of creative work that requires solitude and singular focus (art, writing, music, needlework). Their cell phones still ping with the sounds of texts-- are they more disciplined in their use of or response to technology? Is it due to their using the other sides of their brains in creative pursuits? Does that balance make for a healthier relationship with their own selves, and healthier relationships with their loved ones as well?

Maybe that's an answer; the discipline that the singular focus which must be maintained in the pursuit of the creative arts counteracts the distractibility inherent in modern communication. I'd be interested to hear if anyone else sees that in the younger folks that they know.

Everything here, thats implied is true. Its far too easy to arrange a date (or is it a date) with a text. Just a few lines, they needn't be complete sentences and you've expressed interest of some form. Its the way we operate. Its less risky. There are less strings and less fear and what many don't see is that doesnt mean less failing. Because assuming what you are after is something real something (how the author puts it reciprocal and mutual) then what you are requiring of the other individual is just as tenuous. A text. A chat. A facebook message. So if thats all you want than fire away. And I suppose if thats how you operate you have to learn that you can't expect any more.

What's interesting here is Streep's extremist stance on the apocalyptic nature of the digital age. If we've learned anything from tea partiers and religious fanatics, it's that black and white views result from a failure to see the bigger picture, and are often fear-based reactions to an inaccurately perceived threat.

Streep fails to take into account the research that shows how texting, g-chatting, and e-mailing, often help strengthen relationships—inasmuch as these mediums fill in the gaps between partners' in-person conversations. (For starters: look at Lisa Diamond's work.)

Sure, technology can be used to hurt, to harm, and to distract. But so can face-to-face interaction, so can a hand-written letter, so can a book or an idea. Technology is merely a tool, and just as we must do with all tools, when availing ourselves of technology, we do need to exert self-control and learn some responsibility. But technology in and of itself isn't "bad." (Look at all the good it's done: Connecting people across the globe, making research a whole lot more efficient, saving you a trip to the bank or the store...the list is endless.) It's how and when we use it that determines its moral nature...or consequences...

Streep also seems to be writing about a phenomenon that she is entirely outside of (read: excluded from). It is easier to point the finger at, and accuse of wrongdoing, those whose behaviors you do not understand, rather than to accept and tolerate feelings of exclusion and rejection arising from not being included in their wavelength. More likely, it must be reassuring to attempt to garner a consensus that the group from which you are excluded is in the wrong for engaging in behaviors that you, for no fault of your own, have not yet been able to master.

As a twenty something year old who is sometimes annoyed by texts and pings, I understand the concern with the onslaught of information that the digital age has made possible. But I do not share the dread that it is bringing my own and future generations to relational ground zero. It is simply the world in which we are learning to navigate our feelings, ideas, and experiences. Those who cannot keep up to speed may fall by the wayside. Seems to me to be just another iteration of our ongoing evolution as a species.

I think I read this essay when I was a teenager and adults were worried about birth control and rock and roll. "Kids these days."

I just turned thirty and I have had a cell phone since I was 15. I can tell you that I definitely see a degradation of social etiquette among people of all ages that are obsessed with being plugged in. It takes discipline and practice to stay aware of the temptation of continuous interruptions and easy distractions. I for one have done a wonderful job keeping my etiquette and find people that don’t, quite scattered and just plain annoying. At this age I don’t know how I could be a traditionalist, but it looks like I am heading that way. People are so unsatisfied to just be in the moment because there is just some much else to do. But I find all these distractions to be nothing for than fluff in desperate attempt to be constantly entertainment.

As for technology’s effect on relationships, I will have no part in it. I see nothing wrong with using the internet a tool to meet someone, but if that someone does not know what the meaning of undivided attention is, then I’ll say see ya.

It is all about looking at people objectively and saying “Do I want to really become some sort of walking zombie lacking the ability to reflect on my actions and how they are preserved by others.”

Although I'm old enough to be a millennial's grandparent, I find that I also often have several screens open at once: my iphone, my netbook, my husband's ipad etc...

What I've noticed is that I no longer give information (an article, a video, a movie) much of a chance to grow on me, impress me. If it doesn't grab me in the first moments I'm on to something else.

This is a Bad Thing. The phenomenon torques our communication towards up-front flash. And real life isn't really like that; things and people need space to unfold.

If Anonymous is anywhere near the pulse of the Millenials, we needn't worry about global warming. Let's hope that what Streep is talking about is nothing more serious than an evolutionary dead end like the Platypus, not the Darwinian giant step Anonymous seems to be envisioning. To accuse Streep of feeling "left out" is to miss entirely the point of her observations. Anonymous and the other Millenials are disengaging from real human interaction, and the frightening thing is that they are not only doing it by choice, Anonymous, at least, sees it as evolutionary progress. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I'm glad to be born in a pre-Millennial age so I can appreciate the technology of today but not totally consumed by it. I spend the majority of my days on computers working but prefer to conduct dating, and other more personal things offline. Having personal relationships online is ok but not enough in itself. There needs to be more human contact and nowadays I think kids are learning that texting and cellphones are the best way to relate with one another. There is life beyond being plugged in. We need to get out and see the sunshine and talk to live human beings, computers aren't enough.

I'm a millennial. I do agree that new technologies do pose a plethora of new problems with communication and interpersonal relationships. It's sad to see "smartphone parties" (as i like to call them - parties where people sit around and play with their smartphone instead of talking to each other. And the constant text message-email distractions don't help with living in the present and allowing "deep, type 2" thinking to occur.

But technology isn't all apocalyptic. Actually, it's quite the opposite. Given the right discipline - which i do believe will come with time - new technologies have the opportunity to bring great benefits. For instance, I am currently in grad school 2000 miles away from my girlfriend. Skype allows me to see her almost daily and sustain our relationship on a deeper level then through letters and phone alone. I'd definitely rather be with her in person, but this is a far superior alternative to talking on the phone. (You're quite right when it comes to texts though). The internet is the great deposit of human knowledge. With the right amount of skepticism to wade through the non-sense, you can educate yourself at a pace never before seen in history. I don't have a TV.

Keep in mind, millennials are the first generation to live immersed in the digital age, so we will encounter problems adapting technology to interpersonal communication. But with time and discipline, technology has the potential to strengthen human relationships.

I seriously wonder how a person can have a meaningful conversation, much less relationship. when texting as the vehicle of communication. The superficiality of it belies connection. Isn't a sense of connection what we gain from relationship.

I seriously wonder how a person can have a meaningful conversation, much less relationship. when texting as the vehicle of communication. The superficiality of it belies connection. Isn't a sense of connection what we gain from relationship.

It's an interesting view of how modern technology influences our daily life and interpersonal connections.I look forward to reading more....

This article pulls into focus a lot of queasy feelings I've been having. Yes, I realize that not every facet of the digital age is negative. But the constant pinging of electronic implements, the inability of some people to go even a few hours without checking emails, the ubiquitous distractions of blackberries and iphones--I don't think you have to be a Luddite to dislike these things. There is something to be said for focus, for two people communing without interruption. And we're losing that. I don't know if Millenials can appreciate what is being lost. Yes, cell phones make it easier to arrange a meeting--but they don't make that meeting more profound.
Just one thing I want to add. The generation that is even younger than the millenials might be even more distracted. I see kids as young as 2 mesmerized by electronic devices and they are allowed to play with them for hours on end. How can a conversation with a peer be as stimulating (at least superficially) as the bells and whistles of a computer game? What will happen when kids who have been raised on these toys try to form meaningful relationships?

A random thought: If "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is more than just a cliche, how does the heart react in the absence of absence?

This is on the mark. Although it is always difficult for earlier generations to incorporate the social change of the next ones, they always do come with consequences and I think you have identified a major one. I've also been wondering about the children whose parents'attention seems more devoted to smart phones than to them.
They have become love objects!

Every other week or so I meet an old friend at a cafe with the best coffee in town. My friend's husband has Parkinson's disease and she needs a bit off from the constant care and worry - so we meet at Joe and laugh and talk about life, death and all the in between. There is usually a lot of laughing and sometimes tears.

The cafe is loaded with Millenial's at every table. Joe is a joint surrounded by urban colleges and the students like the best coffee around. They usually are on computers opposite one another but not in dialog. Last week the table next to us was occupied by 5 college students -- all on I phones and not one in conversation with one another. Each could have been at home alone. They were at Joe alone - but in company.

When my friend heads home and I head up town - there is the satisfaction of a mutual connection and energy that can not be found on a key board. Nor can it be be found at a table where the focus of the individuals is miles away in various directions.

Streep is observing behavior that will have social and emotional consequences for the Millenial generation as well as their younger brother's and sisters. How it pans out remains to be seen. In Japan this generation is basically disinterested in serious, intimate partnerships. Relationships are not really on the agenda. They were in the for front of the new technology. The plot thickens!

Every other week or so I meet an old friend at a cafe with the best coffee in town. My friend's husband has Parkinson's disease and she needs a bit off from the constant care and worry - so we meet at Joe and laugh and talk about life, death and all the in between. There is usually a lot of laughing and sometimes tears.

The cafe is loaded with Millenial's at every table. Joe is a joint surrounded by urban colleges and the students like the best coffee around. They usually are on computers opposite one another but not in dialog. Last week the table next to us was occupied by 5 college students -- all on I phones and not one in conversation with one another. Each could have been at home alone. They were at Joe alone - but in company.

When my friend heads home and I head up town - there is the satisfaction of a mutual connection and energy that can not be found on a key board. Nor can it be be found at a table where the focus of the individuals is miles away in various directions.

Streep is observing behavior that will have social and emotional consequences for the Millenial generation as well as their younger brother's and sisters. How it pans out remains to be seen. In Japan this generation is basically disinterested in serious, intimate partnerships. Relationships are not really on the agenda. They were in the for front of the new technology. The plot thickens!

As a therapist in private practice seeing older teenagers with their cell phones permanently attached to their bodies and brains...it's very interesting how difficult it is for them NOT to respond to a text when facing their therapist. They're aware that we're having an expensive conversation and that at least their parents think it's very important. They're also aware that in the intensity of a therapy office, They can't 'cheat' and sneak a peak without getting caught like they can in school. So...what else?...we talk about it.

Rachel - I hope Ms. Streep pays some attention to your response. It is an interesting example of how the next generation responds to the new and newer technology.

After I wrote the above it occurred to me that it takes a certain amount of courage to sit face to face and talk truth to a friend. And it is so much easier when you are a tweet away or a continent away. And the pay off is not at all of the same quality.

How do these teens learn to control the knee jerk response to the ping? How do they learn to "turn off " and as my generation said - and "turn on" but in this context not to drugs but to the more compelling issues of the heart.

Jane

Is Baglione relevant? Isn't global warming so last millenium? Outside my window the world is freezing cold and covered with snow. And last night, in the shadows between the flakes and a glass of really fine claret, I think I saw a platypus. I am not afraid.

Cheers -- and yes "claret" is one way to handle issues - but unfortunately it ends up biting us in the behind.

I am a 30 year old tech-skeptic who has done her share of complaining about technology interfering with deep connected time with people I love. Yet I am hesitant about something in this article -- the melodrama? the insistence that it is a generational issue more than an issue of time and place? I do see many young people using technology as a crutch, a way to avoid both being alone and truly together. But is sending a break-up text any different than going home from the drive-in with someone besides the person you came with (to play with a stereotype of another generation)? Callousness is callousness. Not to mention that many of the tech-craziest folks I know are older. My mother, is ALWAYS on Facebook, and often checks her email while watching a movie while having "quality" time with my dad. Weird to me, but it works for her. And all of the older guys (late thirties) I've dated have been really into texting. So I think this is definitely something we need to be aware of and cautious of as a culture, but it isn't just young folks.