Surviving (Your Child's) Adolescence

Welcome to the hard half of parenting

Adolescence and Learning to Speak Up

In so many parts of life, spoken communication skills are essential. Better for adolescents to learn speaking up before leaving home, than struggle with a history of shutting up after they leave and must function on their own. Read More

I grew up in, and still live

I grew up in, and still live in, a "Shut up!" environment, those quoted words often being the exact same used. Suffice to say, at 24 I have been experiencing episodes of derealization, and not only a little chronic anxiety.

In an effort to reestablish my identity and world-view, articles like this one are greatly appreciated, for they are extremely useful in gaining insight into myself.

A week ago I would have unconsciously suppressed the to write this comment, but whether or not anyone reads this the act of speaking my thoughts is healthy.

When I was quite young, I was very extroverted, excited about engaging with anyone and everyone socially. But eventually I had my "No!" response crushed. My parents thought my thoughts weren't worth hearing, and was punished physically but more often psychologically and emotionally when I tried. I believe this lead to my eventual bullying throughout school, since I felt very uncomfortable defending myself.

Interestingly enough, I thought I was the problem. No matter how hard I tried after 18+, I could not ever finish anything, I could not exert self-control, and I made all the wrong choices all the while feeling that I could not help making these poor choices.

I thought that I should be strong enough to not feel anger, or fear, or negative emotions. That I should be as the stoics and try being dispassionate. Is it any wonder that I became dissociative? Not really.

In reality, I should not have been trying to cover up these emotions at all. Rather, by choosing to feel these emotions, and listen to what they are saying to me, and what they want from me--by being honest with myself. I feel that I am reconnecting with my sense of reality, and indeed am feeling quite grounded.

So sir, thanks for the read, and I'm going to continue delving through these kinds of articles.

Welcome back

As you were at the beginning you are becoming now.

Thanks

Thanks, I would like to think that. As I think about building my self-identity, I'm aiming to dig my roots a bit deeper this time around, so that I'm no longer wavering and confused.

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Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., is a psychologist in Austin, Texas. His most recent books are: The Connected Father, The Future of Your Only Child, and Stop Screaming.

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