Stuck

Why we can't (or won't) move on from bad jobs, bad relationships, and bad habits, and how we can all move ahead.

Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and Stuck: Why We Can't (or Won't) Move On. See full bio

April 13, 2009

These Days, They Would Have Arrested My Dad

My eyes went saucer-wide when I read this recent headline: "Mother who smacked son, 8, with hairbrush in 'moment of madness' is forced to give him up to social services." I've experienced a nearly identical hairbrush incident. I was not the mother. I was the child.

April 8, 2009

Learning from Porn

A new survey reveals that increasing numbers of teenagers are learning how to have sex from watching internet porn.

March 31, 2009

They Hate Cheapskates

I'm cheap. Not only that, but I'm also a scavenger. I dislike spending money. And I gather things into my home and into my life that others have lost and discarded and simply don't want. Furniture, exercise equipment and appliances left out on curbs. Yard-sale and thrift-shop clothes. If I spot a coin on the sidewalk, even a penny, I'll pick it up. I've always been this way. And for this I have been -- and still am -- ridiculed, disliked, pitied and feared. Read More

March 20, 2009

They're Just Not That Into Sex

Over the last few decades, many in-groups and identities have emerged and flourished whose key qualifier is sex. Gay. Straight. Bi. Trans. Metrosexual. Butch. Femme. Boi. Top. Bottom. Questioning. Genderqueer. Polyamorous. Intersex. Of course our sexual orientations and choices would define us: We live in an intensely sexualized society. Now another sexual identity is entering the limelight. Yes, it's at the extreme end of the sexual spectrum, but it's not about wanting or having more (or more transgressive) sex. It's about not wanting or having sex at all. Meet the asexuals. Read More

March 13, 2009

Get Beaten, Get Blamed

How does it happen that nearly half the young people who participated in a recent survey blamed pop-superstar Rihanna for being beaten savagely by her boyfriend, hip-hop singer Chris Brown? In the survey, conducted last month by the Boston Public Health Commission among 200 Boston-area boys and girls aged 12 to 19, 51 percent said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible and 52 percent said both were to blame. Does this tell us something awful about "kids today"?

March 11, 2009

Do You Look Fat in This?

As a child, I used to watch grown-up ladies writhe in envy of skinny supermodel Twiggy. I watched the same grown-up ladies chuckling with delight over the self-deprecating antics of plus-size comedienne Totie Fields. In those days, Totie and Twiggy exemplified how the media turned famous females into fat-and-skinny caricatures: Size was the main feature of their fame, and the media played it so relentlessly that hundreds of millions of females felt hideous and ludicrous. That was ages ago. Yet virtually nothing has changed. The media still obsesses over the size of famous females, only now it does so behind a vaguely feminist false mask of concern.

March 6, 2009

LifeSucks.com

A new trend is afoot in cyberspace: pity-me web sites. At these sites, a nonstop parade of anonymous strangers make posts that amount to "My life is horrible because...." in a continuous-forum format, a la Twitter. But many if not most posts at one of the most popular such sites seem a bit fraudulent: more like made-up jokes than actual anecdotes, such as: "Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said 'What's wrong? Grandma finally die?' Turns out she had." Read More

March 4, 2009

American Idol Is a Mind Game

American Idol, whose eighth season I am currently watching as I have watched every season for the last six years, is a dazzling exercise in psychological revelation and manipulation, played out right before our eyes to the beat of snaredrums and the shudder of electric bass. Don't be so quick to dismiss Idol as corporate/populist puffery. That's the first bit of mind-gaminess about it: In intellectual circles, Idol does not merit conversation. People laugh when I say I watch it. It's below contempt, belonging to the netherworld of trailer parks, novelty welcome mats and Cheetos. Read More

February 27, 2009

Today's Circus Freak: the "Octomom"

Nadya Suleman is a 21st-century circus freak. The fact that she has now been offered $1 million to star in a porn film just further proves it. Read More

February 24, 2009

I Wanna Touch Your ... Brain

Smart girls, be warned: Publicly display more of your intelligence than some sectors of the population can handle, and prepare for the worst. You will be called nasty names. Your looks will be discussed -- your chest, your chin, your skin. Strangers will care what you wear. The scrutiny burns holes right through your clothes. It's merciless. Strangers will hate aspects of you that never irked anyone before: the way you tilt your head when wondering, the way you fold your hands. Many of those who despise you -- and many of those who don't -- fixate on what sex with you might be like. Read More

Books by Anneli Rufus

Stuck: Why We Can't (or Won't) Move On

Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto

Weird Europe: A Guide to Bizarre, Macabre, and Just Plain Weird Sights

The Farewell Chronicles: How We Really Respond to Death

Self-Help Basics

Most of us have things about ourselves we wish we could improve. Lasting change is difficult—many of our habits are deeply ingrained, and certain aspects of ourselves, such as core personality attributes, may be immutable. But many more things can be changed.

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