Stuck

Why we can't (or won't) move on from bad jobs, bad relationships, and bad habits, and how we can all move ahead.

Apology Porn

What does disgraced gender-studies professor Hugo Schwyzer's gut-cutting public confessional tell us about self-loathing and social media? Read More

Academic narcissism on display

Says a lot about academia, yes?
Are you in it for the narcissistic vein within you or are you truly in it for the search for knowledge.
I would argue most of academia is in it for the former, not the latter.

True.

As the saying goes, academic squabbles can be so vicious and intense because the stakes are so low!

Here is my surprised face

Well, well, well. "Gender studies" is not only a faux degree with no discernible value to society as a whole, but also attracts charlatans and frauds into the ever enabling arms of today's sorry excuse for academia. Who could have possibly foreseen that?

You nailed it, Anneli, thank you!

I too watched Hugo's meltdown, and I agree it was extremely interesting. But I was more interested in your comments about compulsive apologizing, with which I connected very personally. Years ago (while I was still married), I would apologize after literally every single thing I would say to my wife, because I felt nothing I said was worth hearing (a combination of my own self-loathing and her disdain for me, which were mutually reinforcing). As you wrote, it did become automatic and was largely a plea for forgiveness for my self-perceived faults.

I'm very much looking forward to your book!

No relief

Another feature of the apologetic self-loather is that apologizing never makes us feel any better. It never relieves the guilt, or the sense that we are wrong, bad, immoral, or ugly. In fact what usually happens is usually the exact opposite. We feel worse for speaking "the truth" about ourselves. The opprobrium and criticism that is being heaped on Schwyzer will only increase his self-loathing, and his mental illness will continue to rule and ruin his life. The fact that the man apparently has seen therapists, takes medication, and possesses some degree of intelligence and self-knowledge, speaks to the limits of psychotherapy and therapeutic drug use. There is no cure for the over-analytic narcissist.

English is just making it too

English is just making it too easy to apologize, so people tend to do it more. In some languages, apologies are not a simple expression of regret that does not really involve the person. One has to actually say something like "excuse me" or "please forgive me" and people tend to do it less.

I don't apologise any more

I don't apologise any more since I realised that Universal logic flows from this statement:

Gud Öircle www.IamDavid.info

There is no bad or lies... there is only good ( the flow of life ) and true, which is relative

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Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and Stuck: Why We Can't (or Won't) Move On.

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