Ladies' Home Journal claims in its June cover story that Paula Abdul admitted having spent twelve years addicted to painkillers before breaking the habit recently in rehab. The LHJ story includes extensive quotes attributed to the pop singer/dancer/choreographer/American Idol judge. Yet in interviews and a statement to the media released yesterday, Abdul fiercely denied having said any such thing.
Someone's fibbing. But who? The LHJ article includes long, specific quotes attributed to Abdul. The article is bylined, and LHJ isn't exactly the National Enquirer. What gives?
But the question of was-she-wasn't-she-addicted pales beside the question of why we might care. Maybe you don't. But millions do. Pondering Abdul's possible addiction and debating is-she-isn't-she makes headlines and dominates countless online forums. Why does it matter to us? Merely because she's a celebrity?
Partly, but I think Abdul attracts this kind of debate more than other celebrities do because the self she displays to the world is very vulnerable. On Idol, tellingly, she is the nice judge, the one who actually seems to care. While sometimes famously garbled, her critiques of contestants are often punctuated with real tears. Despite being middle-aged, with twenty-plus years of career behind her, Abdul radiates a certain incompleteness often seen in middle-school girls who want to be liked. It comprises part insecurity, part giggly spontaneity, part impetuous passion and part fear.
In other words, she's an easy target who cannot -- we assume -- defend herself. She might as well have a red bullseye painted on her back. We can mock her relentlessly. We mock other celebrities, of course, but we mock Abdul with a certain wild abandon because we know, deep down, that she will never mock us back, will never rip our hair out (as a Courtney Love or a Pete Doherty might do) or even paralyze us with a basilisk-strength bitchface. Innocently not even realizing she is being mocked, Abdul might even smile. We know we're safe with her. So we attack.
LHJ's Peter McQuaid reports: "The former pop star, who turns 47 this month, has never looked better. In previous years she acted erratically, at times slurring her words or appearing disoriented. This year she's got it together. And for a reason: For the first time in 12 years Abdul says she's no longer dependent on medication. The rumors that her sometimes-bizarre behavior was fueled by drugs just may have been true. Abdul was taking heavy-duty pain killers, though she claims she never shot an Idol episode under the influence. But last Thanksgiving, determined to overcome her habit, she checked into the La Costa Resort and Spa, in Carlsbad, California, to wean herself off her medications in one fell swoop. 'I could have killed myself.... Withdrawal -- it's the worst thing,' she says. 'I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain, it was excruciating. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been.'"
That seems pretty straightforward, not really fodder for multiple interpretations. Yet in her statement to the media yesterday, Abdul declared that she has "never been addicted to or abused drugs in my life."
Okay.
It's sad watching her squirm -- or lie or flail or flip-flop. It's sad watching the watchers salivate, knowing they can.
