Stuck

Why we can't (or won't) move on from bad jobs, bad relationships, and bad habits, and how we can all move ahead.
Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and Stuck: Why We Can't (or Won't) Move On. See full bio

Losing Virginity? Just "Get It Over With"

Brooke Shields on losing virginity: Get it over with

Virginity has taken on a very strange role in America these days. Abstinence advocates and purity rings notwithstanding, virginity is increasingly seen in the secular West as a troublesome burden, an embarrassment, to be cast off asap.

Brooke Shields revealed that she too views it that way in a recent Q&A she did with Health magazine. The interviewer asked, "What's your biggest health regret?"

Her biggest health regret, the former child actress and supermodel said, was staying a virgin too long.
Until age 22, to be precise. Um -- that's a health issue?

To Shields it is. She told the reporter that the reason she held off as long as she did was that she found herself unattractive. As happens with so many people, this kind of self-loathing can keep one from wanting others to see one undressed. It's a remarkable revelation from someone who appeared in her first film at age eleven, was a household world thanks to a Calvin Klein jeans commercial at age 15, and spent her teen years as one of the world's most envied females. (It's also interesting coming from a woman who proudly stated, in an autobiography published when she was twenty, that she was still a virgin because "Love is what I want to wait for. I don't need to experiment.") But because she didn't like her body -- a dislike that apparently hindered her intimate experiences -- Shields says she sought shelter in weight gain during her years at Princeton.

She laughed as she told the Health reporter that if only she had liked her looks better, "I would have had sex a lot earlier! I think I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22. ... I wish I had just gotten it over with in the beginning when it was sort of OK. I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn't have had issues with weight -- I carried this protective 20 pounds. It was all connected. And to me, that's a health regret."

It's hard to unpack and disentangle that tight coil of emotions and reactions. First, it shows that some human beings will see themselves as ugly no matter what the public says and no matter what evidence exists to the contrary. This fact alone, which plays a role (though clearly one of many) in the high teen suicide rate, is cause for universal alarm and despair. But just as moving is Shields' wish that she had "just gotten it over with." Wow. My college friends and I used to talk the same way. Have we totally dispensed with the whole notion of anticipation and initiation? Granted, not that those actual first times were fairytale moments for most of us. But in principle, to want to "get it over with" ....


What else do we say this about? What else do we want to get over with? Well, root canals. Finding out test results. Yanking out splinters. Chores.

Will Shields tell her daughters, now aged three and six, to just get it over with?

 



Subscribe to Stuck

Find a Therapist

Search our customized Directory for a licensed professional near you.

Current Issue

Everyday Creativity

How to start living creatively and reap the benefits.