Over the last few decades, many in-groups and identities have emerged and flourished whose key qualifier is sex. Gay. Straight. Bi. Trans. Metrosexual. Butch. Femme. Boi. Top. Bottom. Questioning. Genderqueer. Polyamorous. Intersex. Of course our sexual orientations and choices would define us: We live in an intensely sexualized society where even children are urged -- mainly by the media and academia -- to classify themselves based on desires they arguably don't yet have. And now another sexual identity is entering the limelight. Yes, it's at the extreme end of the sexual spectrum, but it's not about wanting or having more (or more transgressive) sex. It's about not wanting or having sex at all.
Meet the asexuals.
This week, the Independent ran a story on those who have "no desire to have sex," which the reporter assures us "is not as unusual as we might assume."
A young man and woman are the focus of this story; 21-year-old Andy says he's not attracted to either males or females, and 22-year-old Tessa says: "It's hard to imagine what would push me to having sex. I'm not afraid of sex, it's just not something I want to do." Tessa prefers "the world of science fiction and Transformers, where sex isn't an issue at all." She clarifies a common misconception: "Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is an orientation. It's not something you choose to be, it's something you're born as.... I get told I'm repressed, that I'm psychologically damaged, that it's something to do with my history, that I've been abused. I've had people make out there's something wrong with me, as if it's a physical or psychological ailment."
Tessa and Andy are presented as happy and self-assured. Andy has undergone medical tests to ascertain whether unusual testosterone levels might account for his lack of desire. Doctors found nothing amiss. Nor is Andy depressed, so his asexuality cannot be attributed to either depression or antidepressants. The Independent cites a 1994 survey which "found that 1.05 per cent of respondents had never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all."
One of the main reasons this topic is so interesting is that -- in a world where many suffer, fight and die for sex -- most people simply can't imagine having no actual interest in it.
But what I find even more fascinating is that asexuals -- at least those calm, contented ones whom we meet in the Independent -- are apparently immune to the combined assault of media and academia. They remain unmoved by that multibillion-dollar hyperspeed barrage of images and messages aimed not just at arousing every living one of us nonstop but also aimed at making us feel awful -- dorky, boring, ugly: add whatever adjective applies to you -- if we are not engaging, or considering engaging, in hot, wild, copious (preferably transgressive) sex.
Sex sells.
The reader-comments section of the Independent's article is illuminating. "I've had sex but there are so many better things that are also less time consuming," writes one reader. "Scary actually," ponders another. "If you're asexual ... what DO you get aroused by??????" A self-described asexual puts in: "How hard is this to comprehend? ... Been in relationships with both sexes. Can I orgasm yeah no problem, they occur every so often in my sleep, they feel real good, I have no dreams or fantasies associated with them. I am not horribly psychologically damaged. This is who I am. Big deal."
"Plenty of people do not see sex as important," notes another. "They do not necessarily need to be classified. Is someone who doesn't like golf an un-golfer?"
That's my favorite comment of them all.
