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One of the reasons that this is the year's peak season for anxiety and depression is that we are expected to spend much of this season -- this day, especially -- with others. This simple fact, this folkway, this presumption, leads to torment: albeit for opposite reasons in different kinds of minds. Some of us prefer solitude, or near-solitude, given a choice. For we loners, extended stretches of time spent in the company of others, especially with numerous others, feels like donating blood. It's that painful and that draining. Alone we feel most natural, most serene, most ourselves. Yet this is a crowded and intensely sociable world in which a loner is still pretty much considered a freak, still pitied or feared as a wallflower, serial killer or misanthrope. At holidays perhaps more than at any other time, what thrills some fills others with anguish. Yes, some of us are alone (or nearly alone) today by choice. Others are not at all alone but wish they were. Yet others are alone, all alone, all day, and wish with all their hearts that they were not. Read More
Well said. Thank you for
Well said. Thank you for perfectly describing my loner mentality.
Low level moodiness
You are describing what is most likely, at the very least, melancholia. I have this as well,it is considered a distant cousin to Depression. Murderers are depressives who have become psychotic. Read the great Peter D. Kramer concerning the subject of depression. Sincerely,David
Similar To Bella DePaulo
Anneli,
You might want to check out a fellow blogger's postings. Dr. Bella DePaulo hosts a "Living Singles" post at:
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single
She discusses how singles are discriminated against in both perception and public policy but still live happy lives - despite their (allegedly) lowly, empty, lonely lives. She calls such discrimination "singlism."
I forwarded your post on "Alone For The Holidays" to her as I felt many of the points you make are similar to hers.
Thank you,
D.C.
That was a lovely article,
That was a lovely article, thank you. For the lonely or those with the spirit to reach out and expand their extended family circle, it's possible to create an extended family of friends, if you can find people whose intention is to do the same. Try creating extended families.
Just the tonic...
I thought I wanted to spend the summer holidays with people but I didn't. I am sure that for many people who do not do very much in terms of activity, the idea of being alone is a boring, long-term sentence. Learning to be happy in ones own company is hard for many but rewarding if it can be mastered.I teach at High School and I like to be able to keep quiet when I am out of class.
I can play golf all day and do what I want, when I want. It is nice to have someone around at times but I look back to my childhood and it was often pretty much a solo effort. It is also wonderful to be outside in the fresh air and enjoy the sunsets.
I am also a bit melancholic but I generally want to do things and not sit about. Sitting around requires good books.
Isolation
I think more and more people are ending up alone or at least feeling like they are. Dealing with isolation is something I would like to see more people openly talk about. For the holiday,I am driving from CA to MI..stopping off in cities that made US Today best community list. I will be sharing videos of what I learn on my blog. I would love to interact with others and hear their experiences. I shared my isolation story on my blog this week. socialbling.org
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