Daughters of narcissistic mothers often fear if they tell their therapist the truth about their moms that they may not be believed. They'll say something like, "She makes Joan Crawford look like a saint." Read More
The late, great Maya Angelou says that everyone in the world on one night or another has gone to bed with fear, with pain, or with loss or disappointment. Yet wherever each of us shows compassion for the other—and ourselves—we have found a way to rise. There is a nobleness of the human spirit in everyone everywhere, especially those who feel stereotyped or bullied. Read More
To a larger degree than women, men are frequently taught as children to “bear troubles, suck it up and move on." Showing much emotion or feeling or asking for help is seen by many as a weakness in a man. Feeling one thing and showing the world something different is a way of life for a codependent. This charade has a tendency to get old. Read More
Some people with borderline personality disorder, the "conventional" type found in the mental health setting, need a great deal of support from friends and family. Often that loving, trusting support is critical to their recovery. But in order to keep giving, you need to replenish yourself. And sometimes your family member may object to that. Stay strong! Read More
Sometimes among the arguments, the fits of anger and rage, the distrust, the paranoia, the mood swings, it seems like my girlfriend is a completely different person. I find myself asking, "Where has the girl I fell in love with gone? Throughout the bad phases I see a flicker of the old her. The person I remember months ago. The person I fell for.
When a child has cancer or a chronic illness, family and friends typically step in and bring meals and offer support. But if your child struggles with an addiction or mental illness, parents see their phones go silent, and no one brings meals by or offers you any support at all. You’re on your own. But you can speak up and explain what you need to your support community. Read More
Any person applying for the scholarship must meet the DSM -V criteria for BPD without psychosis. All candidates must have a willingness to change, make a 90 day commitment to the program, and be willing to see a psychiatrist and follow a treatment plan. Applicants may contact the Meehl Foundation at email@example.com to request an intake application. Read More
A fascinating study by Richard Davidson (2001) clearly demonstrates how a certain kind of mindfulness practice actually increases activity in the left side of the brain, the left prefrontal cortex. This side of the brain is where we generate positive feelings, such as joy and well-being, while the right prefrontal cortex is activated by negative thoughts and emotions. Read More
"At 59, I am sad how poorly I have run my life. I am also frightened of the future because I cannot get off my behavior train. At best, I can only stop it from going forward and maybe learn to mimic and understand the traits of proper behavior that have long since passed by the wayside." Read More
Behind nearly every adult who is accused of a crime, becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, or who is severely mentally ill and acting out in public, there is usually at least one extremely stressed-out parent. This parent may initially react with the bad news of their adult child behaving badly with, "Oh no!" followed by, "How can I help to fix this?"
The megachurch pastor Rick Warren addressed the issue earlier this week, the first time he has done so since his son Matthew committed suicide in April. Warren, who founded Saddleback Church with his wife in 1980, a group that now boasts 20,000 weekly worshippers, told CNN that he hoped to reduce stigma about mental illness. His son had borderline personality disorder. Read More
As someone with BPD says, those with BPD are nearly always in emotional overload, encumbered by negative painful feelings constantly begging for attention. So when there seems to lack empathy, it's not a deficit so much as a complication of trying to pay attention to your feelings and desires when, like a small child, they're so consumed by their own. Read More
A child whose feelings are too often unnoticed, ignored, or misinterpreted by her parents receives a powerful, even if unintended, message from them: “Your feelings don’t matter," or “Your feelings are wrong," When a child goes through enough of these types of messages, she will experience tremendous effects in adulthood. Read More
The aggressive behavior of some people diagnosed with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders makes it difficult for us to understand that they may be profoundly needy, anxious, easily wounded, and chronically fearful of acknowledging weakness. While they masquerade as a giant, they feel like a kid living in a world of Goliaths. Read More
"Be prepared for your partner to try to use the sessions as a forum for blaming you, just as she does at home. A good therapist will stop this behavior, and will instead focus on getting couples out of the blame game and into taking responsibility for their own part of the problems in the relationship." Read More
"Validating" means recognizing and accepting another person's internal experiences and feelings, even if you disagree with them. It's the opposite of rejecting, ignoring, or judging someone else's feelings. It shows that you heard them and they are more likely to listen to your experiences and feelings, even if they're different. Read More
Mindfulness asks family members to observe what is actually going on by simply noticing the events unfolding; to describe these events by putting words to what they notice; and to fully participate in the moment by acting with full awareness in the moment. Our lives are so busy that it is easy to get distracted.
Gerri Luce knows what it's like from both sides of the couch. Suffering from the borderline personality disorder lead her to want to help others with the condition. But first she had to work on her own recovery. Read More
As a child, I coped with magical thinking, As an adult today, I can permit myself to do what I need to do for an emotionally healthy life, even if that means becoming the adult to our mom’s "child" and setting boundaries and consequences. Read More
"It has been five years since my wife completed treatment for BPD, and I must say life has been steadily improving for both of us. It has been like a big old freight train; it takes a lot to get it started, but then it slowly and steadily builds up momentum." Read More
"Like a lot of high-functioning people with BPD, my mother's intelligent and perceptive. She can tell when she's being handled, and she's more than capable of counter-handling right back. The net result is that using SET to sooth and progress the situation simply turns an issue into a meta-issue, and the conflict becomes between my mother and whoever's trying to use SET." Read More
I am looking for guest bloggers to provide all different points of views and subjects. It should be about a topic you know a lot about or feel strongly about. People with BPD and their family members generally write about their personal experiences, and professionals write about topics within their expertise. Read More
"I had gone 'no contact' with my family--especially my mother--and I badly needed to talk to someone. I called my aunt. When she told me my mom has borderline personality disorder, it was the most significant thing anyone said to me in my whole life." Read More
Marsha Linehan says that the term radical is a “complete and total…[accepting] of something from the depths of your soul.” It’s not a behavior. It’s an interior shift. It’s all about finding peace in “what is” the reality of the situation right now. Acceptance is the opposite of denial.
Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don’t do what they want. The main tool of the trade is FOG: fear, obligation, and guilt.
People are “enmeshed” when their personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. Enmeshment becomes a problem because the people involved start to lose their own emotional identity. They lack the level of autonomy they need to grow. Read More
While emotional caretakers take pride in their self-sacrifice, it is a double edged sword. Partners who are emotional caretakers usually come from a family in which some of their basic emotional needs were unmet.