Stop Walking on Eggshells

Showing empathy is problematic for people with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or both. Those with BPD are so caught up in their own emotional tornados that your concerns get lost in the chaos. And lack of empathy is defining feature in people with NPD, similar to the way fear of abandonment is a hallmark of BPD Read More

Christians in abusive marriages feel conflicted about divorce. On the one hand, they are suffering. On the other, they are not supposed to divorce. The book "Keeping the Faith" has an answer. Read More

Narcissists feel emotions like vulnerability, sadness, empathy and compassion in a shallow way, if at all, and cover them up with rage, blame, manipulation and disdain for others. Read More

I get a fair number of people contacting me because they want to write a memoir about their relationship with a high conflict family member. One of the biggest reasons people want to write is to help heal from their experiences. In that case, I recommend the book The Power of Memoir: How to Write Your Healing Story.  Read More

University of Washington Psychologist John Gottman says he can predict with 95% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce within 15 years by microanalyzing a videotape of the pair talking for an hour. His secret is paying attention to the number of times in the conversation the couples participate in what he calls the Four Horsemen:  Read More

This is part 5 of my second series about the similarities and differences between those with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Here is part 1. Here is part 2. Here is part 3. and here is part 4.  To see a list of the 10 parts of the first series, click here and view the top of the post. Read More

Human beings have remarkably inventive ways to rid themselves from painful feelings. The more agonizing the emotion, the more resourceful one has to be. People with borderline and narcissistic disorders experience may experience a great deal of pain, so they get pretty savvy. Read More

Sometimes the narcissist doesn't get everything she needs through more subtle means. She needs to take a more direct approach. Thus another narcissistic trait "Is interpersonally exploitative, that is, takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends." Read More

Narcissists must be superior to others in every single way. So when someone else has something they don't have that they want: admiration, status, skills, objects, etc.--the narcissist sees it as a major threat. Like so much else in the narcissistic mind, it is unconscious. Read More

Are you a person who is very distressed because of the actions of your adult child or children, whether they abuse substances, mistreat their children, constantly ask you for money or exhibit other seriously problematic behavior? Please contribute to a book on the subject. Read More

To accept your circumstances radically simply means that you do it from the depths of your soul and in every bone in your body. Radical acceptance of your loved one's disorder means that you acknowledge that you can't change the disorder, you didn't cause it, and you can't cure it. Read More

Videos of the Nov 4 Atlanta Family Perspectives on Borderline Personality Disorder conference. Read More

Narcissists lack an identity; a sense of self. To compensate, they develop what's called a "false self." The severity and intensity of NPD comes from the desperate pursuit of a sense of self. NPs believe all the lies they tell themselves about who they are: as the quote says, if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the "truth." Read More

Both people with borderline and narcissistic personality disorder get into rages in which they blame and criticize others. However, the rages have slightly different motivations. Keeping these differences in mind will help you anticipate the attacks and respond when they occur. Read More