Stop Walking on Eggshells

When someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder

by Randi Kreger

When the Borderline Patient Becomes the Therapist

Gerri Luce knows what it's like from both sides of the couch. Suffering from the borderline personality disorder lead her to want to help others with the condition. But first she had to work on her own recovery. Read More

Magical Thinking is a Refuge for Child of Borderline Mother

As a child, I coped with magical thinking, As an adult today, I can permit myself to do what I need to do for an emotionally healthy life, even if that means becoming the adult to our mom’s "child" and setting boundaries and consequences. Read More

"How I Got My Wife Into Treatment for Borderline Disorder"

"It has been five years since my wife completed treatment for BPD, and I must say life has been steadily improving for both of us. It has been like a big old freight train; it takes a lot to get it started, but then it slowly and steadily builds up momentum." Read More

Secrets of S.E.T. (Support/Empathy/Truth) Statements

"Like a lot of high-functioning people with BPD, my mother's intelligent and perceptive. She can tell when she's being handled, and she's more than capable of counter-handling right back. The net result is that using SET to sooth and progress the situation simply turns an issue into a meta-issue, and the conflict becomes between my mother and whoever's trying to use SET." Read More

"My Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder" (Part 2)

In the second of a two-part post, "Dan" explains how he started coming to terms with the way his mother's disorder affected his life. Included is an update with how he's doing now. Read More

How to Be a Guest Blogger for "Stop Walking on Eggshells"

I am looking for guest bloggers to provide all different points of views and subjects. It should be about a topic you know a lot about or feel strongly about. People with BPD and their family members generally write about their personal experiences, and professionals write about topics within their expertise. Read More

"I Just Learned My Mom Has Borderline Personality Disorder"

"I had gone 'no contact' with my family--especially my mother--and I badly needed to talk to someone. I called my aunt. When she told me my mom has borderline personality disorder, it was the most significant thing anyone said to me in my whole life." Read More

Peace for Family Members of Borderlines and Narcissists

Marsha Linehan says that the term radical is a “complete and total…[accepting] of something from the depths of your soul.” It’s not a behavior. It’s an interior shift. It’s all about finding peace in “what is” the reality of the situation right now. Acceptance is the opposite of denial. Read More

What To Do About Fear, Obligation and Guilt

FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) can keep you stuck and unhappy in a relationship. In this post, I'll list several exercises that can help you deFOG your life. Read More

Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) in Relationships

Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don’t do what they want. The main tool of the trade is FOG: fear, obligation, and guilt. Read More

Enmeshment in Family Relationships: 1+1=1

People are “enmeshed” when their personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. Enmeshment becomes a problem because the people involved start to lose their own emotional identity. They lack the level of autonomy they need to grow. Read More

Are You an Emotional Caretaker?

While emotional caretakers take pride in their self-sacrifice, it is a double edged sword. Partners who are emotional caretakers usually come from a family in which some of their basic emotional needs were unmet. Read More

Heal By Writing About Your Trauma

Many psychological and medical studies have shown that writing about difficulties and dreams helps people experience increased happiness, health, and productivity. Read More

How Today's Politics is Like High-Conflict Divorce

Today's politicians act like divorcing spouses who can't see anything good about the other person. They "split," or see things in black and white, just like people with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Read More

Can People with Personality Disorders Have Healthy Relationships?

A list of what makes for a good relationship could be quite lengthy and might differ from couple to couple. But here are some characteristics mentioned over and over by marital therapists. Ask yourself if you think it's possible for your borderline or narcissistic partner to have a healthy relationship. Read More

When Has Your Anger Gone Too Far?

According to Mark Sichel, L.C.S.W., holding resentments is a choice. Ask yourself, are you making the healthy choice? If you are angry, is it healthy anger or unhealthy anger? Read More

Five Steps to Coping with Borderline Behavor

By using five steps, in certain instances, you can greatly improve the relationship and create an environment more conducive to your borderline loved one's recovery. Read More

Randi Kreger To Give Borderline Personality Disorder Workshop in Venice Beach, CA.

Clearview Treatment Programs’ Consumer Lecture Series will feature bestselling author Randi Kreger on Wednesday, October 3, 2012 in Venice Beach, Calif. Read More

Borderline/Narcissistic Behavior Is Not About You

"Detaching with Love" is your own version of that saying. It does the same thing: keep your own life from becoming a series of BPD-related crises. In this case it means, "I care about you, but I recognize that you must make your own choices in life. I can love you, but I can't live your life for you. Read More

Will Narcissists Seek Therapy?

Few narcissists seek therapy. And unfortunately, even if they do, the right therapist is hard to find. Read More

Take This Survey for People with Borderline Partners

This study is now closed. Read More

The Assertive Approach Helps You Win-Win in High Conflict Divorce

The assertive approach doesn’t have to be hard to understand and practice. An easy way to think about it is to focus on KEEP, an acronym that stands for Knowledge and Energy to Explain Patterns. Read More

"High Conflict People" Drive Disputes at Home, School, and Work

Some people make life miserable for others. They blame you for their own problems, have no empathy, and always seem to be conjuring up trouble. A subset of them are called "high conflict people," and they often have some kind of personality disorder--usually borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. Read More

Don't be Passive When Divorcing High Conflict Partners

Like monkeys, people have little insight into themselves and the "bananas" they're holding onto. This can get them into big trouble. Especially when they're in a high conflict relationship. Read More

Can Borderline Individuals Show Empathy?

Showing empathy is problematic for people with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or both. Those with BPD are so caught up in their own emotional tornados that your concerns get lost in the chaos. And lack of empathy is defining feature in people with NPD, similar to the way fear of abandonment is a hallmark of BPD Read More

Narcissists: "Enough About Me: Let's Talk About Myself"

Arrogance is another defense mechanism that keeps the narcissist a legend in his own mind, free from the stain of the imperfection of other human beings. Remember, narcissists (and borderlines) split, seeing themselves and others in black and white. Someone has to be on top, and someone has to be on the bottom. Read More

A Christian View of Divorce and Abuse

Christians in abusive marriages feel conflicted about divorce. On the one hand, they are suffering. On the other, they are not supposed to divorce. The book "Keeping the Faith" has an answer. Read More

Why Borderlines and Narcissists Seem to Want Power and Control

Is the person with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder in your life hungry for power and control over you? Look at this list and compare them to your current relationship. Read More

Why They Can't Feel Joy: Narcissistic Shallow Emotions

Narcissists feel emotions like vulnerability, sadness, empathy and compassion in a shallow way, if at all, and cover them up with rage, blame, manipulation and disdain for others. Read More

Why You Walk on Eggshells: Borderline Emotional Dysregulation

Just as people with diabetes have a problem regulating their blood sugar and must test it several times a day, people with BPD find it difficult to be emotionally consistent. This is why you're continually walking on eggshells, never knowing what to expect when you walk in the door. Read More