Sticky Bonds

Lost Loves, Romances, and Families in the 21st Century.

An 8 Point Lost Love Reality Check

A person with a married lost love confronts her situation.

A woman trying to recover from a lost love affair writes down reminders to herself, so she can let go. Perhaps it can help some of you. 

Reality check for today:

1) He feels no obligation to me.

2) Although we are in a relationship of sorts, he has not made any agreement with me, nor are there any agreed upon parameters of behavior.

3) His contacting me is solely based on whether he feels like it at the time.

4) His choice to follow through on calling or emailing as he said he would, is totally based on whether he feels like it at the time.

5) The rest of his "real" life, and any demands made upon it, will always take priority over what he chooses to do with me.

6) If the demands in his real life get to be too much, I will be the first thing he takes off his plate.

7) This is what is real, whether I like it or not. This is what I can choose to accept—or not.

8) Feeling resentful over things not being the way I want them—or disappointed over unmet expectations—is not healthy for me and damages my self-esteem.

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Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the California State University, Sacramento. She is the author of Lost & Found Lovers.


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