Sticky Bonds

Lost Loves, Romances, and Families in the 21st Century.

Lost Love: The Second Generation

Separated... but could love bloom in the second generation?

Suppose high school sweethearts separate, marry other people and have children, and the children meet... and suppose one has a son and the other a daughter, about the same age...

Could there be an attraction in this second generation? I have wondered. After all, the children have half of their parent's genes, and some may grow up in similar ways as when their parents were teenagers. Can the grown children ever fulfill the love that their parents lost so many years before?

Here is one such second generation love story:

 

I've known my husband, Jason, my entire life, thanks to my dad and his mom being high school sweethearts! But, more importantly, they all later became, and remain, close friends. As I understand it, my father and my mother-in-law dated throughout high school and part of college. They broke up, married their respective spouses, and years later returned with their families to a neighboring town where they grew up together. That is when I first met my husband; I couldn't have been more than one year old and he about three years old.

With our parents' close friendships and our mothers quickly becoming inseparable, Jason and I literally grew up together, attending the same small school and taking family trips together. Throughout our childhoods, we knew that our parents had dated, but it was "way back in the ‘60's," so that was like a million years ago!

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After Jason graduated from high school a few years before me, I didn't see him again for about 15 years. I moved to Manhattan and lived there for 10 years while he remained near his family. One day, I received an invitation to a friend's wedding, with whom we both grew up, and was terribly disappointed that I couldn't go, due to a surgery that my niece was having, and I said I would be there for her and my sister.

Well, that evening when I went to the airport, everything imaginable went wrong! I hit Yankee Stadium traffic on the way to the airport, then my cab broke down in Harlem, I got to the airport late, and my flight was canceled on a beautiful fall day; for some reason, there were no other flights, buses or trains that could get me there in time. Finally, my sister said, "Go home. There are too many signs saying that you are not supposed to come here this weekend."

On my way home from the airport, I called my mother to say that if there was still room at the wedding, I would love to make it! She called my now mother-in-law and they seated me right next to Jason.

When Jason and I danced for the first time, it struck me that he was my past, my present and about to be my future. There was an overwhelming feeling that came over me that had already shadowed every relationship I had ever had. Now I knew what I had been waiting for.

After our first date, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he was going to be my husband. I couldn't believe, with all of my twenties spent wondering what my husband would look like or wondering about my future in-laws, that I would end up being so lucky-to already know and love my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and that I had known my soul mate my entire life.

My dad, John, and Jason's mom, Sue, did not choose to make a family together. But through their love and subsequently the marriage of my husband and me, we made them family in the end.

If our parents hadn't been high school sweethearts, they never could have paved the way for Jason and me to have found each other. It was their initial love that was so innocent and pure that allowed for our families to be as close as they were later. As 19 year olds, I'm sure their breakup was hard, but in hindsight, it seems as if it was almost a sacrifice that they made for us. For, they wouldn't share children together, but they would share grandchildren – and the joy in the forever love that their children would have in their marriage together.


From the ebook, The Lost Love Chronicles: Reunions and Memories of First Love, 2006, by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.

Copyright 2011 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

 

Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the California State University, Sacramento. She is the author of Lost & Found Lovers.

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