Stepmonster

The "Issues" tv show on Headline News channel is saying they will have news regarding Sandra's new bambino tonight on the show.

Wednesday, your article packs so much information, it's difficult to know where to begin. So I won't. The research your article speaks of may not feel fair to many stepmothers, especially those who have had more custodial involvement with their stepchildren than the stepchildren's mother (uncommon for mothers to be absent, but it does happen as in the case of Bullock). But the more stepmothers can accept this reality (it's tough to bump against Nature), and let go of expectations that are causing them to suffer, the more empowerment they will feel. It is at least, a start. And thank you for your kind mention.

Like Mary said, the truth and the reality is: Sandra has no legal rights to Suny. For custodial stepmoms who do a lot of "mom" things, I know this is hard to swallow. But once you end your war with reality, you really will feel that sense of empowerment Mary speaks of. Any time we end our war with "should" or "should not" we are the real winners.

If you are a custodial stepmom and your stepkids' mom is really out of the picture, then pursue legal means to adopt your stepkids. That's what my mom did when I was 12 (1975ish) - she legally adopted me and my three younger brothers. Once that happened, my mom had ALL legal rights to us and could do the things that in some cases are still "not legal" for stepmoms to do, like take your stepkids to the doctor, authorize emergency care, etc. Not only that, but if something happened to my dad, me and my brothers belonged to mom and our real mother had no claim to us as all legal ties were cut.

Peggy

My approach as a step-mum in relation to responsibilities has been to ask myself what would I do if I were a close friend of the family, aunt, or teacher. Under laws where I live all adults have some duty of care towards the safety of children. The extent depends on your role, and on what is deemed reasonable. For example, if my step-kids' mother went overseas without advising us, as she recently did, and their father was somehow suddenly incapacitated and I found myself in care of the children, who then had a medical emergency, I would have a responsibility to get them emergency help and inform child welfare. Ongoing decisions regarding their welfare are not my right or responsibility.
With regards to their behaviour and punishments, I do have to live in the same house, and have a right to have my self and property be respected. I can offer friendship and advice from my life experience in regard to how they should behave, but the enforcement of punishment is not my role as a step-parent.