Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

“To be loved is nothing,” wrote Andre Gide. “What I want is to be preferred.” Ah, yes: preference. A rival sweetens the captured heart; a vanquished foe flavors the taste of victory. What you really want is to win someone's love favor, not to settle for what is offered to all.

Jealousy makes detectives, clairvoyants, and thieves of us all. We track down private papers; we imagine encounters in gruesome detail and construct passionate conversations; we purloin letters, phone bills, and e-mails; we decode their passwords, the retrieval code for their answering machines, their journal entries. When their phones are busy, we call the other numbers to see if indeed we can make the connection--are they talking to the one we fear? We drive by to see if lights are on, if cars are in driveways; we walk by offices to see if doors are open or shut; we go through trash; we go through credit card statements. We go through hell. Read More

Perhaps you know stories of women who, while financially dependent on their husbands, nevertheless squirreled away hundreds, even thousands of dollars, by skimming small amounts of money off their usual "allowance" for household costs.

I had an aunt who could have bought a Ferrarri on what she managed to "put away." She didn't see this as cheating her husband or family, but instead she regarded it as prudent. It made her feel safe; it made her feel like she could plan for an emergency or a "rainy day."

Sometimes this packet of private information can include the serious secrets of an affair or a undisclosed sexual history. Read More

As Dorothy Parker once said "I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome ruthless and stupid."

Why do women do this to ourselves? Read More

"What are you writing these days?" Professor A asks, one eyebrow arched.

"I'm finishing my book," replies Professor B with a drawl.

Professor A nods, sips his drink and smiles, "Yes, of course. Well, neither am I." Read More