Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Laughter, pleasure, malice, and the pursuit of adult fun

The Revenge Wedding

If you allow yourself to get angry at an injustice committed against you, you underwrite your emotion with a sense of self worth. If you get angry at an injustice committed against others, you underwrite their value with a sense of your own worth. Anger can offer a sense of indignity to replace a sense of shame. Read More

Here is another, even more important lesson to be learned

There is no free lunch.

Those who marry more for financial security will probably work very hard to earn every penny of it.

but sometimes it works too

But sometimes it does work out, even if for the wrong initial reasons. Sometimes the financial security was a strong draw, but then they fall deeply in love. And not all men are jerks, even rich ones.

That's not positive revenge, the bride made a fool of herself

Passive aggressiveness is not a positive attribute.

Women, for some inexplicable reason, feel compelled to remain sedate, calm, cool and collected at all times. Our dancer bride in this case did just that, and for some reason we are all supposed to be in awe of her "revenge" plot, and marvel in its ingenuity. As a woman, I'm appalled that passive aggressive behavior is celebrated.

Let's take a look at what really happened in this fantasy. Rather than having an open and honest discussion with her fiance, and terminating the wedding plans (or leaving a voicemail or text) the dancer bride insists on living a lie and misleading hundreds of people in the space between the time she decides not to marry and the day of the wedding.

This family, who knew nothing of the infidelity, graciously provided generous financial support and wedding planning services to provide a lavish wedding for this couple. They had an expectation that a marriage would happen. The family did nothing to deserve this embarrassment in front of their friends and loved ones, not to mention all the guests who paid money for gifts and travel expenses.

This isn't behavior to idolize, it's horrible. Yet, women are retelling this fable as something to relish. I can assure, there is nothing respectable about this story. If this story had an ounce of truth to it, the details would be plastered all over the Internet.

This is gold!!

I absolutely agree with your comments. If one comes encounters relationship "deal breakers" - why not handle the situation like an adult and simply cancel the wedding?

I thought her own behavior in response to the deal breaker (keeping up the façade, to include the expense that his family shouldered) was downright appalling and childish.

I don't care

I thought the story was awesome!

Agreed!

The version I knew of that story had the groom discover that his bride was cheating on him with his best man. There was photographic evidence taken, and then shared with all the guests during the toasts.

Back then and still now, my reaction was that while it might make for a good Hollywood movie, it's a shitty thing to do in real life. Punishing an entire wedding party for what two people did is everything but admirable or heroic. It's selfish and immature.

Then again, most (if not all?) revenge stories have a selfish and immature protagonist. They make for good drama *because* they play to our more selfish and immature instincts. If their protagonists went for a mature and reasonable resolution, there would be no story (or a very boring one) to begin with!

Glad to see you

Happy to see you posting. Haven't seen your postings in a while but I do enjoy reading them when I see them. You're a very intelligent lady Del. Have a great day!

transference of shame

She has transferred the shame she has endured onto him and his family. His family did not deserve that shame, although I am not saying they don't deserve any shame at all. They just didn't deserve that instance of shame.

It is my guess that his family will transfer that shame back onto him and he will suffer dearly for it.

satisfying revenge, but doesn't teach much

That's a satisfying revenge story, but I don't think it's going to teach the groom much, never mind the fact that it wasted the time and money of a lot of bystanders. It may just confirm to the groom that women are the "b" word, which explains why he behaved that way in the first place. As a direct lesson, the best it would seem to teach is that you better not cheat on your bride because she's going to raise hell. Which is not the reason you'd like for someone to be faithful to you.

And even as a man who would never do something like he did, I'd be at least a little more circumspect if I were contemplating getting serious with a woman who I knew blew up a wedding in that manner. Because what I admire in a woman is great emotional maturity, social skills, intuition, and intelligence, not just looks. And handling the situation as she did would make me question that. But that's just my opinion.

If that were an incident in

If that were an incident in real life I could imagine the groom (after he calms down)thinking something like " I m glad I have done it".

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Gina Barreca, Ph.D., is Professor of English at UConn, and author of It's Not That I'm Bitter: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World.

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