Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Laughter, pleasure, malice, and the pursuit of adult fun

What You Hope Your Ex Thinks vs. What Your Ex Really Thinks

Are you still being moved by fantasies of your ex while your ex has moved on?

Wistful Fantasies About Your Ex
1. Your Ex sings along with the Moody Blues song "Somewhere in My Wildest Dreams" or "I Want You Back" by N'Sync while thinking of you during long and solitary drives;
2. Your Ex has named a particularly beloved pet or, if literarily inclined, a character in a novel after you;
3. Your Ex has saved all your letters, photographs, emails, gifts, and one single T-shirt that still brings you back when it is held close, and keeps these in a special place which hugs at the heart and which, in silent moments, is often visited;
4. Your Ex keeps wondering "What if?" and "If only..." and, tremblingly, "Perhaps...?"
5. Your Ex dreams of you, and wakes with faint traces of salty tears; Your Former Lover wishes to return to you, wishes that mistakes were as easy to forgive or to overlook when they first occurred as they are now—since they all seem trivial compared to the great emotion that you share even though you've not seen one another or spoken to one another in civil tones for years; Your Former Lover pictures you and only you when thinking about death and the afterlife, imagining you will be together when the paltry circumstances of ordinary life no longer interfere with your true kinship and love.

Hard Truths About Your Ex
1. Your Ex sings along with the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" with a group of wild friends in the party bus and (but/t) is not thinking of you;
2. Your Ex has indeed named some things after you, but these things are: a. a particularly problematic vehicle ("Jeez, I have to take the Robin today because the Honda is in the shop") or, if medically inclined, b. a form of cyst;
3. Your Ex doesn't remember your last name;
4. Your Ex, when remembering the relationship, which is not all that often, wonders only "What the HELL was I thinking?"
5. Your Ex has forged a new life that perhaps involves another partner, perhaps placing you with affection and admiration into the narrative of an earlier time or, sad to think but possibly true, dismissing you with only few thoughts, or even with negative thoughts. Your Former Love has, it is clear, moved on.  

Shouldn't you do the same? Isn't it time?

 

Gina Barreca, Ph.D., is Professor of English at UConn, and author of It's Not That I'm Bitter: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World.

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