Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Laughter, pleasure, malice, and the pursuit of adult fun

4 Reasons Peter Cottontail Would Make a Great Therapist

Peter Cottontail would be a far better therapist than either Santa or Cupid

1. No judging: Peter Cottontail has none of this "He knows when you are sleeping; he knows when you're awake" hyper-vigilance and does not abide by the good/bad binary moral system divisions. He delivers his work professionally and without personal bias. Okay, so in his case he delivers hard-boiled eggs and chocolates, neither of which, when you come right down to it, is exactly what what might be called "healthy" but he delivers unfailingly and unconditionally.

2. Even thought Peter Cottontail delivers unfailingly and unconditionally--and without  judgement (no "Have you been GOOD this year?") he nevertheless works within boundaries; you'll never find Peter Cottontail putting the prettily decorated eggs in the toilet, for example, or shoving them inside your shoes. Cupid would do that. Cupid has no boundaries. Anytime, anywhere, with anybody, inside the shoes, outside the shoes: that's Cupid. No dignity.

3. Peter Cottontail crafts his work to make it appropriate to each individual under his care. Santa has to work from lists, but the brilliance of The Cottontail Method is that he knows what each person actually needs (which, as we all know, might be something they themselves would put on their list). He gives jelly beans to Tommy but reserves the colored eggs for sister Sue; the mother of family, who also has unmet needs, gets an orchid and an Easter bonnet, too. The father, as so often happens in these scenarios, is present in his absence; I'm sure he and Peter have an arrangement.

4. Cupid and Santa want you to be good (albeit it in different ways). All Peter wants is to help make it better in the best way he knows how. With the years of experience he brings, with his open-mindedness and generous heart, with his sensitivity and his insight, and with his refusal to either judge or cause heartache, he's my hero.

Gina Barreca, Ph.D., is Professor of English at UConn, and author of It's Not That I'm Bitter: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World.

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