It is best, according to some women's mythologies, to keep something to yourself.

Perhaps you know stories of women who, while financially dependent on their husbands, nevertheless squirreled away hundreds, even thousands of dollars, by skimming small amounts of money off their usual allowance for household costs. I had an aunt who could have bought a Porsche on what she managed to "put away." She didn't see this as cheating her husband or family, but instead she regarded it as prudent. It made her feel safe; it made her feel like she could plan for an emergency or a rainy day.

Sometimes this packet of private information can include the serious secrets of an affair or a undisclosed sexual history. But it can also encompass everyday secrets, like not admitting exactly how much a purchase actually cost, saying it was on sale when it wasn't, explaining it was a gift when it wasn't, or saying a dress had been hanging in the closet for months rather than admitting it was bought that day.

Some women go through similar motions in terms of their emotional lives: keeping feelings of happiness or sadness, shame or guilt, pleasure or joy to themselves in order to keep something back from their husbands. They create a version of an emotional I.R.A.; they believe that if their husband doesn't know everything about them, the better off everyone will be. They put their genuine wishes and dreams into a form of "self-storage" in order to keep them free from the contamination of the everyday.