Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

I am a woman without children and I never even know what to call myself, whether it should be childfree which sounds forced or childless which sounds lonely. It just worked out this way and since my life is pretty good I now would not change it although I once wanted kids. I don't know how to address the issue when asked. Can you talk about this in the next section, please?

My mother died when I was eleven and I do not have kids. A woman came into my office the other week and happened to ask me when Mother's Day was. I replied, "I have no idea." She then said, "You don't know when it is?" Again, I said, "I have no idea. It's some Sunday in May." Apparently not getting it that I really had no clue, she then asked if it was the first Sunday or the second Sunday. I firmly replied, "I don't know." Wanting to add, "My mother's been dead for 28 years and I don't have kids so I have no use for that day!"

It's frustrating that so many people take it for granted that they have a mother or are a mother so they assume everyone else must too. I've been wished a happy mother's day from well-meaning strangers who have no clue the pain of not having a mother has haunted me.

Not being a mother is my choice; not having a mother has been devastating. And there is nothing or no one who can be her substitute.

Mother's Day sucks.

with your signature sense of humor. Arbor day indeed!

from a grateful beneficiary of your scolding, advising, and mentoring.

Thanks.

I think your best so far. Sincerely-David

All we really need is two Holidays. National Appreciate the people/pets in your life day, and a National be good to yourself day!

Every holiday can be devistating to someone, so I say. . . Ditch the Holidays!!

Anybody who falls for it is just part of a con-artists' plot. If you love your parents, or anybody else, let them know without paying a card company or flower shop to do the job for you.

I am a young woman without children who has a very painful relationship with my mother. To say we don't see eye to eye on things is an understatement. I feel like with the ever increasing amount of Mother's Day advertisements bombarding us on TV and the radio, the three weeks leading up to Mother's Day are a continual slap in the face - over and over again.

Everwhere people are shouting, "It's time to celebrate Mothers!" But what if your mother doesn't act like a mother and isn't someone you feel any need to celebrate? The first few times I saw or heard the commercials talking about how "Everybody loves their mother," I shrugged it off. Lately, however, my resistence has been worn down and it just makes me increddible sad, followed closely by an overwhelming feeling of guilt. What kind of person doesn't want to celebrate their own mother? Rationally, I know it is because I am fully aware she has done nothing to warrant celebration, but that doesn't make me feel any better emotionally.

Ah well, on Sunday another Mother's Day will have come and gone and I can put it all away... until next year.

Gina, thanks for talking about what so many of us are feeling guilty about feeling. And as someone who has been a lucky recipient of your "incidental mothering," thank you. It is a wonderful gift you give to so many of us!

Thanks for covering this - and Jennifer, hang in there. I too have a mother, or rather someone who due to it being 1957 and catholicism, had me. You said you're young, so don't make my mistake of not having children because you think you'd be like your mother. My mother is selfish, abusive and a big time user of me. These qualities actually have made me a very compassionate person to others and in retrospect, I probably would have done the opposite of my mother - meaning I might have been decent to my children if I'd had any. Hang in there on the guilt (I understand!) - it's our mother's that push us away, not vice versa.

Also, I agree with the two holiday theory above. Those are two great day ideas!

Cheers everybody and happy people day to us who still can love, care and be helpful even if we haven't given birth.