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As parents, we hate to see our children struggle or fail, but doing so is a critical aspect of parenting. While it is hard on us parents, it is vital for our children. Read More
Nathaniel Branden and "the self-esteem movement" aren't the same
Branden's work was never about "conferring" self-esteem. Quite the contrary. Disingenuous or ill-informed writer.
If only people had followed Branden's work -- like in the excellent Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, they would learn PRACTICES that lead to self-esteem, like behaving with honesty and integrity.
Agreed
I concur entirely, but his paper was a spark that led to the flame. I was not intending to indict him. I also suspect that he would hate what his study led to. Nevertheless, well-intentioned parents have taken his conclusions, misunderstood the causality and become obsessed with conferring self-esteem.
S
Good advice
(I don't know about Branden's work. 'haven't read any of it.) BUT I do like the messages in this blog. They are articulated well and they are important messages for any parent to hear. Like Steve, I've encountered so many parents who are coddling their children rather than encouraging their stretching. This blog would be an easy thing to pass on to these parents, and would be palatable for them.Thank you, Steve.
I hope it makes a difference
Catherine,
Please let me know if anything I say is helpful to your clients. I constantly experiment with different ways to communicate with parents about their parenting efforts. Despite the fact that most parents worry that they are not doing everything right, they are also very defensive about their efforts. In particular, the coddlers generally take pride in their extra efforts. If you encounter anything that helps persuade them to allow their children more freedom, I would love to hear about it.
Steve
Self Esteem
The misguided efforts of many parents to protect their children, and to give them everything they ever desired, have resulted in the oh-so-entitled "Occupiers" befouling public parks across North America.
Failure
A rule of thumb I use as a high school counselor is this:
- Push students to challenge themselves
- Provide support
Support must translate into making the student able to function more independently when facing an equivalent challenge in the future. If not, we have failed as educators. Only when the challenge is increased should we respond with more support.
Failure
A rule of thumb I use as a high school counselor is this:
- Push students to challenge themselves
- Provide support
Support must translate into making the student able to function more independently when facing an equivalent challenge in the future. If not, we have failed as educators. Only when the challenge is increased should we respond with more support.
Nice summary
I will use this framework during counselor orientation at camp. It is simple, yet useful. Thanks.
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