A reader wrote:
I have an 8 and a 5 year old. I have not really kept them on a schedule and now that they are both in school I am trying to get them on a bed time schedule and it is not working. They find every reason in the book to get up. I am hungry. I need to use the restroom and so on. They will normally fall asleep about 2 hours after I get them in bed the first time. Do you have any ideas on how to get them to bed at 8:30? They will not need to get up until 6:30 for school. Please give me some ideas. I am going crazy at bed time now.
From your description it sounds as though there may be a few things going on. There are two main drives for sleep: sleep deprivation, or the amount of time one has been without sleep, and the internal circadian clock, which tells us when it is time to sleep and time to be awake. The lack of a regular schedule can cause the internal circadian clock to become delayed, especially if the children are being allowed to sleep in until late in the morning. This can result in their not feeling sleepy at what otherwise could be a very appropriate time for them to start getting ready for sleep. In addition, by sleeping in, they may not have enough pressure from the sleep deprivation to sleep. If they are also being allowed to nap during the day, this, too, can prevent them from feeling sleepy at the designated bedtime.
As it is impossible to force a child to sleep, one can control the schedule by enforcing a regular wake up time. This needs, however, to be consistent and stable both weekdays and weekends. As school is just around the corner, it would be reasonable to start waking them up at 6:30 now. It is important that they not be allowed to lie in bed or veg out in front of the television after rolling out of bed, but instead make sure that they are dressed, eating breakfast, and exposed to plenty of light so that their brains "understand" that it is daytime.
In the evening, establishing a regular, fixed routine (bath, stories, bed, reading on one's own, final lights out) can set the tone for the onset of sleep. Minimizing bright light exposure for at least two hours before bedtime, and making sure the bedroom is dark, quiet and free of distractions such as music, computers, television, pets is also very important.
Children this age generally need between nine and a half to ten and a half hours of sleep a night, so it is important to make sure that the bed and wake up times reflect this. If they are waking up at 6:30 AM, a bed time of 8:30 is certainly reasonable.
Once these measures are implemented, it may become much easier to convince the children that bedtime really is when it's time to go to sleep, as their bodies will be sending them the same message, and the struggles may resolve. If not, giving a firm and consistent message to the children about what is and is not allowed after they are tucked in (i.e. must stay in bed, are allowed only one trip out to use the bathroom if needed) is important so that they understand that the new rules are meant to be taken seriously.
