"Mom, why can't I have a boyfriend? You had one."

"Yes, I did. At 23. You might know him as the man asleep on the recliner."

Truthfully, there was one period in my life when I actually did garner attention from young men, some of whom even competed for me.

"We want Gina on our football team! She doesn't throw like a girl!"

"That's not fair! We want her!"

Special circumstances.
The thought of their young teen dating can make any parent uncomfortable, but when you're the parent of a special needs child, it can be particularly frightening. That's because some special children tend to follow the crowd in an attempt to fit in. And Lord knows, "the crowd" is not exactly behaving. At least that's what my kids tell me.

"But Ma! That's so not fair! Everyone else can wear tube tops to school."

"Everyone else has a boyfriend."

"Everyone else can go to the movies with boys."

I fear where this kind of thinking could lead them.

"Everyone else is having orgies."

"Everyone else is part of the pregnancy pact."

The pregnancy part is really frightening, especially for my overprotective husband.

"You better talk to them, Gene! We'll never get them out of the house if they have babies!"

Don't get us wrong; we love our children dearly. We just know that their lives are difficult enough with their disabilities. At 16 and 13, they're certainly not ready for motherhood. (Heck, I'm 45 and not sure if I'm ready.)

I try to be strict about dating (no dating until they are 25), but I have learned that what I say and what they do at school when I'm not there are often completely different things. My 16-year-old proved this to me when she was 13 and confided,

"Mom, a boy at school asked me out and I said yes."

At first, we were horrified, but then we learned they just sat together at lunch. We even met his parents at a school event and became very friendly with them. Of course, we didn't learn until later how fragile young love was or that we had violated one of the most basic laws of young dating—getting close to the parents.

"What do you mean you broke up with him? What were you thinking?"

"Yeah, we love his parents! You should have discussed this with us first!"

Despite my strong feelings against actual dating, I've discovered that my youngest has a special friend at school whom she likes to talk with on the computer. I've had to set some ground rules for that.

"No virtual holding hands or kissing. And you must wear your ski clothes when Skyping him.

This type of dating seems to be common among her friends, as well, though one of her friends experienced a trying virtual breakup that deeply affected my daughter.

"Mom, Elizabeth was so mean today!"

"Well maybe she had a bad day."

"No Mom, she's mad cause she can't hold onto a man!"

My younger daughter has tried to turn her virtual dates into real ones, but I'm adamant that not happen. I know what can happen with that; I watch Sixteen and Pregnant.  As hard as it is for me to discuss this stuff, I'm very open with her about teen pregnancy and what can happen. To her credit, she's been very open with me as well. Painfully so. 

"Mom, when can Joseph come over? It's no big deal. Alll he wants to do is kiss me.

"How about June of 2020? I think we're free."

Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but kisses at 13? It makes me realize how easy my Mom had it.

"Yes, Gina, you can have a few more kisses. Just make sure you brush your teeth afterwards. That chocolate can cause cavities."

Does your special child have a signficant other? How do you handle it?