1-day anniversary: Stop watch

60-day anniversary: Silver

120-day anniversary: Gold

365-day anniversary: The Hope Diamond

This week we learned another Hollywood marriage was ending - the one between Russell Brand and Katy Perry. I must admit, this really didn't surprise me. Katy was showing signs of being blue for quite some time (at least in the hair). They did, however, make it past one full year of marriage. That's the equivalent of 200 years for the rest of us non-Hollywood types. 

So what's the reason for this divorce frenzy?

Money has to be a huge part of it. When things get tough, it's easy for them to bail without feeling the financial pressure.

My husband and I just can't relate to this, since we can't afford to divorce each other.

It also helps that we are on the same page religiously. "Mike, we can never divorce. Our Catholic guilt would kill us."

That's probably why we've been married for (drumroll please...) 20 years or 7,256 days.

The devil is in the details. 

Stars sure seem to spend a lot of time dealing with the details of their weddings. Maybe they should spend some time on planning the details of the marriage. Do they have anything in common? Where will they live?  Will they have kids? Who will raise their children?  Katy and Russell had all the "big" details of their ceremony down; they had elephants.  Note: the only animals I had at my wedding where Elks, which helped us land the lodge for free (membership has its benefits).

I'm the first to admit that marriage is hard. Mine has had its share of struggles from the beginning. Just a few months after our wedding, my husband's mother passed away unexpectedly. Almost immediately, the happy-go-lucky man I married was overcome with grief and sadness. I lost a big part of him that day.

We've also had our share of struggles raising our children with special needs. We've had to watch them go through depressions, be bullied, and struggle at things that come so easy for other kids. In our children's darkest days, our marriage was challenged more than ever before. The financial pressures of getting them to the right experts weighed heavily on us. 

"This isn't the life I planned," my husband yelled in frustration after one of our daughter's meltdowns.

"Do you think I planned for our kids to struggle?" I cried back. "There's nothing worse than seeing your kid depressed, Mike. I'm their mother and I can't do anything to help."

During one of our most difficult times, I turned to a friend who had been through a divorce earlier in her life and asked, "How did you know you wanted to end the marriage?"

She said, "Gene, I fantasized about hitting him over the head with a frying pan."

"Phew!" I said, relieved. "I've never had the urge to do that to Mike."

"Well, Gene, that's because you don't cook. In your case, it would probably be a 7-iron"

Truth was, there were days when I was angry with my husband and wanted to hit him. Times when I thought he could be doing more to help our children. Times when I resented him for not making more money so that I could quit working and focus 100% on getting my kids the support they needed. Times when I lied awake at night listening to his snoring and wondering how he could sleep so soundlessly when our children were struggling.

But, underneath that stress was the love I had for the man I married. The one who shared my values and goals for the future. The one I chose to spend the rest of my life with. 

And 174144 hours later, we're still together. We know we will continue to have challenges, but we have learned to appreciate what we've been through together.  My husband reminded me of this one day when our oldest child with Asperger's performed in her first school play. He took my hand and said,

"Gene, look at her up there. Did you every think she'd be doing this?"

"God no," I said, remembering all those times when she was a little girl, who hid behind my legs to avoid talking to other kids.

"Gene, we did good."

I may be a little old fashioned, but it's only because I grew up with pretty good marriage role models -- my parents. Upon celebrating their 50th anniversary, our father told us, "I love your mother now more than I ever have. Back when we were young, I didn't really understand what love was. I love and appreciate your mother more and more each year." 

I saw the extent of their love, just months ago when my mother became ill and passed away.  Just before going into surgery, she said, "Take care of your father. Make sure he eats healthy."

Weeks after my mother's death,  my father and I were sitting in the doctor's office waiting for his appointment, when a woman came in with a walker.

I turned to him and said,  "Dad, I'm happy Mom went peacefully. She never would have wanted to live like that."

He turned to me with tears in his eyes and said, "Gina, I would have taken your mother any way I could get her."

To me, that's marriage. No escape clause. No glamour. No glitz. No elephants. Just 19,421 ordinary days of love and commitment. Sorry Sinead. Nothing compares to that.