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You should never try and win back your ex if you don't believe you were really doing anything wrong or did things (socially) wrong to understandably lead him/her to breaking up with you.
Also, if their feelings are not there anymore -- which started dissipating long before the breakup -- and you have no sense that his/her feelings are there -- you pretty much have a Zero shot at it.
Also, if they themselves have emotional problems that get in the way of understanding & cooperating -- even if you did do wrong and have legitimately changed with or without them -- you have a low chance of getting them, and a very low chance of if it ever working out indefinitely.
In my off-hand estimation, it'd be the Exception, not the rule. It'd be the rarity, not the commonality where it's feasible.
You would need to know you've done things wrong which Should push someone away and want to break up PLUS (and this is key) truly having that light bulb going off in your head of understanding it and with or without them, you aren't going to be that way. All while, he/she still has feelings but logistically and smartly has broken up and has begun the moving on process -- all while being a rational, emotionally-stable individual.
Then and only then, IMO, would it be worth it to try and "win her back", with still a not very high % of success in doing so.
But without that situation, could you? Yeah, of a lower but possible chance. Would it be worth it? HECK NO. Some people strive to win their recent-ex back only to re-realize that it was never a good idea in the first place.
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Jane Greer, Ph.D., is a Marriage and Family Therapist, author of What about Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship, and radio host of Doctor on Call.
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