Back to basics...I began She Bets Her Life in order to reach out to other women gambling addicts; to those who suspect they have a problem and to those friends and family who care about a woman with a gambling problem. I've been so giddy with the pleasure of writing for the PT website - feeling complete freedom to write about my deepest knowledge, stories and beliefs, knowing others were reading - that I've taken a few (albeit possibly connecting) detours around the original intention of this blog. Recently, I've had email messages from a few women heartsick about their gambling patterns and realized that I want to return to basics for now. To do that, I'd like to know more about you, your concerns and your questions.
A few of you have contacted me at my email: shebetsherlife@gmail.com I invite more of you to write me. I want to know who we are. My story is only my story - though if you have admitted you're a gambling addict, you know our stories all have a great deal in common. The more I know who you are, the more I can continue to fine-tune my research and these posts.
I'll make you a deal - not a deal with the Mystery Tramp, in which you are guaranteed to get burned - but a deal between kindred spirits. For one day a month - beginning April 8 - I'll respond to any specific questions you might have about gambling addiction. I found and am finding much contemporary knowledge about all aspects of this deadly addiction. I want to share with each of you knowledge specific to your personal concerns.
Feel free to write - no strings attached. I will keep our correspondence confidential and NEVER use your email adress for promotional purposes. Thanks to you who have already written. Our exchanges help me stay clean.
I dreamed last night that I found myself with my late mom (alive and well) in a hotel room in a casino resort. I knew and she knew that I was about to gamble. She stood in the hallway and calmly asked me to reconsider. I closed the door, locked it and escape through a side exit. Downstairs in the casino I found a machine. It was not one of my favorite ones, but I was possessed to gamble. I began to play. All my old addict behaviors kicked in. I plugged my winnings right back into the machine. When the machine went cold, I upped my bets. I felt myself trying to amp up my play in order to feel the buzz of being in The Zone. It didn't work.
I woke grateful that the dream had been only a dream and remembered jolting awake too many mornings knowing that what I'd done the day before had not been a dream. Some of you may know that sickening feeling. I hope our connection can help us to stay in a kinder reality - though, if you are a recovering addict, you know that reality takes a long time to get used to. As a wise man once told our gambling support group, "An addict only feels normal when they are using."
The longer I am clean, the more reality feels like the only difficult and joyful place to be. So, please connect. And, here is a woman recovering gambling addict who is part of our circle:
Marilyn Lancelot on-line publishes Women Helping Women, a monthly source of information and connection for women gamblers - those who think they might be in trouble, those who know they are in trouble and for their family and friends: http://www.femalegamblers.info/
