Shameless Woman

Pursuing an integrated life of sensuality, health, healing and rejuvenation

Mothers and Daughters: Sexuality and 'The Mother Wound'

As daughters we cannot repair or save our mothers lives. But we can choose to offer ourselves and our mothers compassion. We can step away and fulfill our own potential as women without this underlying fear that our relationship with our own pleasure and sexual expression is something dangerous. Read More

Beyond sexuality

Thank you so much for this article as I think it is really spot on!

I feel the mother wound does not only remain at physical or sexual level but influence a broader spectrum from your attitude at work to your positioning in social relations.

I was raised by a mother who has apparently suffered a lot when she was a child for various reasons but also had a very complicated relation to her mother. She was loving, has sacrificed a lot for me to be always here, often at her own discomfort.

She died when I was 19, the equivalent of a freshman in college in a very high level and posh university in Paris. I remembered being lost because she was so suffering from the inside she did not give the codes to be in this kind of environment and I had to learn everything by myself.

More importantly following her death I have had the opportunity to "disconstruct" our relation and more recently to look at her as an adult and not anymore as a parent. It has been mind blowing as I have seen a lot of her behaviors, wounds that were in the past influencing me so much : could not be too feminine because it was making me a s**t, could not navigate among different social classes because we don't belong to x social classes, was putting myself in drama relationships (she had a passional relation with my dad), she had a great sense of self sacrifice, I am a high achieving woman and do not want to compromise on my own life for now, etc.

I feel all this has happened because unfortunately she died when I was getting out of my teenage years. I wonder who I would be today if it would have not happened. I am sure I would be totally different as a woman, in my feminity, in my relation to my body, to men and to my role in the workplace.

Thank you again for this article that helps me a well to understand the mechanisms beyond my own analysis.

Great article!

This article makes some

This article makes some pretty big assumptions and generalizations. I don't relate to this experience of my mother at all. All of the shaming of my sexuality and of my basic human dignity came from my deeply mysoginist and chauvinistic father. My mother was a lifesaver to me.

What in the world are you talking about?

My mother and I have often talked about vibrators, sex outsuide of marriage, and how I should be responsible for myself whether in or out of a relationship.
She was my biggest fan when I came out, and is still a big champion. Mom is even supportive of my decision to not be a mom. Sure my Mom is a perfectionist, but what does that have to do with how I approach sex or my body? Your arguments don't make sense.

Slut-shaming is so 2013. The new fad is "Mom-shaming"?

OK, first of all what the foobar is this article talking about, with all this 1970s-sounding feminist spiritual woo? Haven't you "liberated" people ever heard of the old saying "mother knows best"? The only problem I have with slut-shaming is that it's not "gender neutral," as in promiscuous dudes who didn't settle down for life at 18 aren't dissed but promiscuous chicks (or those who "act" like they "could be" screwing around) are. Taylor Swift, for example, is a serial dater. She most likely has done the dirty deed. But for some reason she is a "slut" while George Clooney isn't.

If people were more serious about slut shaming, applying it to everyone and maybe even taking precautionary measures (like involuntary hormone-suppressing "vaccines" starting at age 8) to curb promiscuity, maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't even be talking about AIDS anymore, because nature has a way of keeping people's naughty bits under control. Feminism gets it wrong with the notion that women should be having just as much "fun" as the dudes, rather than trying to curb the dudes' impulses and still keep the chicks' in check.

This has nothing to do with moms except for good ol' Mother Nature. Sex may be natural and fun (at least for some people), as George Michael said, but it also carries major risk -- painful risks at that, like, say, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS and did I mention "full-blown AIDS, no-no-no not just HIV but full-blown AIDS"? Maybe people like the author should have listened to their frumpy June Cleaver moms instead of experimenting on their own and getting hurt in the process. Not saying there oughta be a law, just saying that if you catch the bug or get slugged by an overzealous E.L. James fan while reenacting scenes from Filthy Shades to Beat Your Lover, it's not mom's fault, it's yours. All mom can do is try to protect -- and to inevitably say, "I told you so."

"Sex-positive" feminists who want to "experiment" are crawling with pests and can go stuff their bras where the sun goddess don't shine. And I say this as someone who has never dated or interacted with the opposite sex and never will, who loves her mom -- and whose aversion to mawwiage or sex is because of how philandering, abusive dad treated mom -- but has ZERO INTENTION OF BECOMING ONE MYSELF!

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may quote other posts using [quote] tags.

More information about formatting options

Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

more...

Subscribe to Shameless Woman

Current Issue

Just Say It

When and how should we open up to loved ones?