I am just back from a meditation and yoga retreat run by The Chopra Center. It was only six days long—but it's impact rocked me. It felt much longer than six days. Perhaps that is because so much of the time was slowed down with yoga poses and time spent in silence.
But we spent time talking too. And asking each other questions like "Who are you?", "What do you want?" and "What is your purpose?" We let each other look deeply into our eyes—and even our souls. We served as confessor, witness and secret holder. And in the truest sense of the word— with our clothes on—we allowed each other to see our nakedness on the inside.
I have spent a great deal of time feeling naked on the inside. I love that language. "Naked on the Inside." It really speaks to our core vulnerabilities. When we work at opening that up—when we allow ourselves to look at our own most naked places—and then decide that it is safe to let others hold that part of us—or even just to see that part of us—tremendous healing can happen. I am privileged in my integrative coaching practice to witness and support people in doing that every day.
And I keep getting closer and closer to those places in myself—perhaps it is the meditation and the stillness that I learned at my Chopra Center Retreat, but I know that I have been on this journey for a while now. The stillness and the addition of silence is an amplifier.
During the Seduction of Spirit Retreat, I got to see many people in the process too. Beginning to open themselves—perhaps in ways that they never would have alone. It was like watching flowers open. Each petal opens in it's own time, and then one day you are staring at the carpels and the stamen—the most secret part of a flower. And like flowers, opening one petal at a time, when they are fully open—it can be stunning to behold.
If you allow yourself to go deeper and deeper into yourself, it can be amazing to notice how many petals you have and how beautiful you are. When I allow myself to admire myself—to truly feel good about all the parts of me—sometimes, I need to put aside all of your eyes. After all—people are watching right?
We can "become" the reflection of others perceptions of us. And sometimes, those perceptions are simply their own projections, assumptions and prejudices. It is hard to put aside the eyes of others to truly look inside ourselves and see our own nakedness in our own reality.
Sometimes, it can be about how we look—and that can be a distortion of our true beauty. None of us are the glossy pictures in magazines. Not even the people who are photographed. And I don't simply mean their physical beauty—I also mean the inner "stories" that the pictures encourage us to layer on the images.
And then there is the paradox. Sometimes, I want your eyes on my nakedness. I want your projections, assumptions, prejudices and approval. Because in those, there is a learning and a healing too.
I have gotten to love walking around naked in public. Asking the questions that everyone else want to ask—but is feeling too vulnerable or shameful to ask. But all it takes is practice! And letting go of the shame can be so freeing.
But I understand the fear. I have spent so much of my life hiding my nakedness and vulnerability. Thank goodness I am over it! It didn't come over night—it was a practice. Now I want all of me to be seen. I am very aware of my nakedness. It is not self conscious—it is self aware. Sometimes, I simply observe my own comfort or discomfort in those moments of truly being seen—and it has been one of the most healing things that I have done for myself. I encourage you to try it on.
I have allowed myself to open my petals...and simply be the flower that I am. I have let who ever has wanted to look—by reading my writings, or by opening my book. I have given strangers the ability to view deep inside of me—even down to my carpels and stamen.
I have let you all "see" what I "see." Sometimes, we see different things. Sometimes, my readers have even pointed out parts of me that I didn't know were there. There are times, that I do not like what you reflect back to me—and there are times when you have provided a much more loving mirror than I would ever have held up for myself.
Perhaps the best part, is that my writing—my willingness to show you my nakedness—has allowed you to look at parts of yourself that perhaps you didn't know were there either. Or steered you onto your own path.
Some of my readers are becoming great friends because I have shared my journey—and it has become a great big exercise in "I will show you mine, and now you have shown me yours"—or perhaps the game of "You have that too?"
Naked on the inside....and allowing others to see. Perhaps that has been the journey all along.
