Shameless Woman

Pursuing an integrated life of sensuality, health, healing and rejuvenation

Are You an Invisible Woman?

See people as you would like people to see you!

"I am not sure when I became an invisible woman" my coaching client said to me. "Maybe it was when I turned 45. It might be my age, how I dress, or my weight—I am not sure. But I feel like nobody sees me in general anymore and certainly not as a sexual being!".

Tina is crying into the phone. I wish that I could hold her—but we are separated by hundreds of miles. The fact is that Tina is not alone. One of the most common complaints that the women who I work with have, is that they feel invisible to the world. That somehow—one day—the world stopped seeing them. The days of unwanted cat calls, sexy glances, doors opening, and men stopping to help them pick up dropped books were long over.


It is an incredibly lonely and unsexy place to be for many women. I know—I lived in that land of the woman unseen in my early fortiesand now I am helping other women climb out of that dark cave.

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

I don't know what comes first—the possibility that some women turn off sexually and therefore become unseen—or if we feel the subtle shifts of society towards us and so we simply begin to fade away as sexual beings.


In my coaching practiceI work with many of my clients to "come back" inside their bodies—and begin to turn themselves on again. When we turn on from the inside outour eyes light with a sexual fire that no age, costume, or body weight can hide. One of my favorite exercises, and a daily practice for me—is to be generous with our eyes.


What do I mean by being generous with our eyes? It's simple—just see people as you would like people to see you! Learn to flirt a little! Flirting can be done with men, women and even children! It is not always sexual in nature. Start small and flirt in non sexual ways. Sometimes we can flirt with a baby by playing peek a boo! It's about giving freely of our eyes and becoming playful. There is no agenda except to interact and have fun.


Do you want people to see you? Then see the people around you! Compliment the kid beyond the Starbucks counter—smile into the eyes of the bus driver—say good morning to the door man! None of these people will bite you—in fact they will love being seen just as you do. Be generous! Give a lot of smiles, winks, hair tosses, and compliments to the world around you. I promise you the world is going to begin to see you right back! Your cloak of invisibility is going to vanish. Your hips are going to begin to roll again as you walk. You might even try on the color red again....

Are you feeling like an invisible woman? Try this tip of visibility—and report back. Let me know how it goes!

Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

more...

Subscribe to Shameless Woman

Current Issue

Let It Go!

It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.