The five of us were naked, soaking in the hot tub at my friends house in Florida. There we were - five women naked sipping wine and trying to keep our voices down as we discussed sex in America. Why were we keeping our voices down? What were we concerned about? We were all adults - and there were no kids in the house. So why were we whispering? Was it the neighbors? Were we concerned about what they would think if they overheard us talking about sex education in America or was there this deeper fear that was ingrained in our bodies - that if we were overheard - that were would be accused of being witches and whores. Stake burning may be out dated - but one could lose their day job or in days past their genitals!
It was not long ago - that women were diagnosed with "Hysteria" for those untamped feelings that they just couldn't name (because we werent' allowed to name them or given the language to name them) and visited the doctor's office so that they could treat us with doctor applied masturbation techniques. Oh yes! That is where the vibrator as a sex toy industry staple was invented! It was in the doctor's office! God forbid any woman should actually know how her own genitals worked and touch them. Yes - back then there were "Hands On Practitioners" of a sort....
We hear about genital mutilation in other cultures and click out tongues - but did you know that it was in the 19th century in American history that the upper classes cut out their daughter's clitorises if they were found masturbating? Or applied acid? Anything to tamp down female sexuuality Oh yes - in the time line of history - this was just yesterday (girls keep your voices low). Is it any wonder that the word vagina is still censored in some media outlets and college campuses? But here is the paradox - while the word vagina still makes people squirm - and female arousal products such as Zestra are not free to market in the same places as products geared to men - we seem to have no problem with pornography or "girls gone wild".
What's up with that? Why can't we simply get over all of this - and bring real sex education out into the open without all of this flip flopping? Or is the proper world really hypocrisy? Why can't we truly face sexuality in America instead of making stuff up like "masturbation leads to blindness"?
Sex in America is incredibly confusing with what we allow and what we moralize. And lately I feel completely stuck in the middle of the confusion. In my memoir Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale) - I share how I try to confront my own morals - and my own sexual needs in the box of a marriage.
Yeah - it's very funny - and sexy - but what I am talking about is so much more. How does a "modern day girl" in a traditional yet "modern day marriage" cope with female desire, monogamy, marriage, and self image - without "Flip-Flopping"? And how does really getting in touch with all of that - change your life? It's a big question in a very confusing world where any mention of wanting more in the confines of marriage can turn you very quickly into a witch or a whore. Or worse - you might be called "selfish". And OMG - what if you did all of that and stayed married! How could any of us cope with that? I mean - if I could do it - does that mean that you or your wife could do it too? What then?
