One of the biggest things I learned on my wonky journey into the sexual underground is that most of us get really stuck around our ability to receive sexual pleasure. So many of us feel that by embracing and surrendering to pleasure that we are diving into the culture of narcissism. We're not.
We are all such sexual worriers! We worry about all sorts of things when it comes to getting our sexual needs met such as how to get it and how to receive it. Some of us worry about being too greedy - or taking too long to find our pleasure. There is a tremendous amount of focus on "The Take" - and I think we need a different perspective on the power of receiving and giving pleasure.
I used to be like most everyone I know - and think that the act of receiving is all about self - and that is what we need to be fulfilled. And while for me, receiving is very much about self, it is also very much about affording someone else the opportunity to give. That is a slightly different perspective and one that I think is over looked way too much of the time when it comes to sexual pleasure.
So many people are hearing the messages about pleasure, and the importance of receiving - but they see this as selfishness behavior. And in that light - these potential "receivers" cannot truly open to their pleasure and the full potential of their sexuality because they are always concerned about receiving too much, taking up too much time, or what the other person is doing.
Here is the twist in perspective that I am offering you in this post - In your willingness to receive from others - you are allowing someone else the pleasure and opportunity to give.
We need to make room in our understanding of sexual pleasure that by allowing our lovers to give to us - that we are allowing them to have the possibility of receiving pleasure through the giving.
The flow of energy toward the depths of intimacy is hindered when a giver cannot give selflessly and a receiver cannot receive with abandon. It can really juice up our love life when we talk about our roles of giver and receiver and what those roles can give to us. When we create the time and space to really abandon ourselves to a particular role, I think we will really break new ground in our relationships, touching the depths of intimacy that are possible in our sexuality.
One must be able to surrender both to selfless giving as well as to freely and totally receiving.
I think we should stop saying that the act of receiving is all about the self. That way it sounds like the flow of energy is going in one direction. That often happens, but a piece of integrity is missing. Ideally, there is a circular flow of energy.
What do you think? Have you ever told your lover that you would take great pleasure in giving them pleasure? Have you ever offered to them the thought that by surrendering completely to their own pleasure that they are giving you incredible joy? Would you be able to surrender more to your own sexual pleasure and open deeper to your partner if you knew that their giving of pleasure - brought them deep pleasure? How would that change your experience in the love making?
