Now Yoni and Lingam is not new language for me. But it is frankly not my language for my sexual center. I found it a little bit hard during the four days talking about what was between my own legs as a "Yoni". I always had to reach for the language - and no matter how much I think I know about my feelings on the subject - it comes up again and again - sometimes smashing into my livingroom through a pop culture window that can send even me reeling.

Not so long ago there was an article in the "Sunday Styles" section and the cover story was, "What Do You Call It?"

The "It" in question was - you guessed it - female genitalia. You know...most of us women...and most men were taught to call "It"... "The Vagina". According to NYT's the new vogue word (a word that was apparently coined by the television series "Grey's Anatomy" and picked up by the likes of Oprah and has found its way into electronic dictionaries like Urban Dictionary) is "Vajayjay". No Yoni in the land of Oprah.

Vajayja? Yoni? What is a girl to do? I have to be honest, I have never loved the word "Vagina" either. It's very clinical and if we are going to be clinical (and let's face it, "Vagina" is a clinical word), it's not an accurate word as a description for the complete geography of a woman's genitalia. The Vagina is the canal that leads from the uterus to the outside of the body. I have tended towards using the word "Vulva" when talking about female genitalia as this word includes the clitoris plus the inner and outer labia.....the pleasure centers of the female genitalia....which feels excluded when we call our genitalia only by one section of it...."The Vagina".

Now...reported by The New York Times..."The swift adoption of vajayjay is not simply about pop culture's ability to embrace new slang. Neologisms are always percolating. What this really demonstrates, say some linguists, is that there was a vacuum in popular discourse, a need for a word for female genitalia that is not clinical, crude, coy, misogynistic or descriptive of a vagina from a man's point of view."

And I agree with this part of The Times reporting...most women...and indeed young girls do not have language that they feel comfortable with to name their genitalia...and if we don't have language in which to name our bodies that we are comfortable with...then how are we suppose to communicate about our bodies?

How do we communicate sexually? How do we communicate medically? We want young women to be able to ask for barrier birth control to protect their bodies from STD's, HPV to prevent infertility, preventable cancers, HIV and unplanned pregnancy. But if women have no comfortable word to use when they talk about their own bodies...how are they supposed to effectively communicate even more difficult issues - like saying no to being touched on their genitals at all? Touched where??? What is the word? Or buying a condom? Or asking for one?

Can she even say the word? Many women of all ages have lived in a vacuum of no words when it comes to their sexual selves. Back to Oprah - recently she did a week long series, "Living Your Best Life." They focused on sex on one of the days. This woman shared that she didn't speak French and she didn't speak Sex. She had no language for her own sexual body and no language to describe her desire!

I am committed to language because without language we live in a land of just letting things happen; because "good girls" are never prepared. "Good girls" would never have desire…and "good girls" don't have language to communicate their needs. And without language, how are we supposed to communicate effectively with physicians?

Will women even see a gynecologist if they are not comfortable enough with their our own body to name it?

Last year I posted on a professional list serve for sexual therapists. There were doctors, mental health professionals, and sex therapists on this board. I talked about this new language for the Vagina - and how I actually thought that it was a positive thing - women creating or finding language that made them more comfortable about speaking about their own genitalia.

I was met with a fire storm! Some of these therapists actually said that they would correct the woman and give her the proper name "vagina" and encourage her to use it - because it was the "correct" word! It was more important to them for the woman to use the language that they felt was correct rather than to hear what the woman was trying to communicate. I was incredibly discouraged by their rants.

I thought at the time any word that popular culture can come up with to assist women in speaking about their bodies...is breaking the code of silence - and that in of itself was the most important thing - that is until the other night, when I heard the term "Junk" for the first time. Junk? As in garbage - not worthy - something you would throw in a draw and forget about with a pile of string, and old take out menus?

All of a sudden I was stricken. Language is a powerful tool. It  shapes our perception and  our self image. Language can also shape how we feel about ourselves. All of a sudden I got this image of young girls calling this sacred part of their bodies "Junk" - and my heart fell. Was I losing my own rant that it didn't matter what we called our genitals as long as it had a name? Perhaps - with the coming of the word "Junk" -  I had met my own edge.

I support women in finding their own language - yet it is my sincere hope that we will not take this new popular culture expression of our feminine core and pass this term down to our daughters. What we have between our legs is many things.  I encourage women to their own words for it - if vagina or vulva really isn't comfortable for you.. 

If we have no language...we have no voice....and we need language that each and every one of us can speak....so...if Vajayjay gets one woman to speak about her body....no matter how silly it may sound to my ears....welcome Vajayjay. And if Yoni is the name given for a group of women so that they can communicate - well - I went with that too. But I stop at the word "Junk" - I would rather go with "Precious".