Tie Me Up Please

The phone rings. It's my mother. Do you remember her? Yes. The woman who starred in my most read post ever: "My Mother and the Vibrator." It's early in the morning, I am on my second cup of coffee and her voice has an urgent ring to it.

"Are you watching The Today Show? They are doing an entire hour on sex! Hurry! Turn it on!" Ever since I started writing about sex, my octogenarian mother has become an x-rated TiVo gone wild. But like a good daughter, I listened to my mother and tuned in. Yep, it was true. The Today Show was devoting an hour to sex. (Kathy Lee Gifford didn't seem that happy about it.) The best part for me wasn't the edible body glitter, the discussions about warming lubricants or female arousal gels, or even the expensive magnetic bra and panty set. Nope, that wasn't it. For me, it was the BD/SM for beginners' prime-time moment.

There it was, right there on The Today Show. I had to blink my eyes a few times. But I was not having some kind of delusional experience. Sitting there, right next to the feather tickle toy, was a set of wrist cuffs and a blindfold. Of course, there was a study to go with the leather. It seems that Cosmopolitan Magazine had done a study and more than 80 percent of the women polled said that they had this secret fantasy of being tied up, but that they couldn't ask for it. They were too embarrassed.

And over 70 percent of the men had the same exact desire, and too much shame to admit to their partner that what they really wanted in bed was to be tied up and asked to surrender and taken. All of this shame. I am so done with shame. We waste so much time stuck in that dark place over our sexual desires instead of exploring healthy sexual pleasure.

And let's face it, Cosmo's numbers are pretty big. There are so many people who want to be tied up that there is hardly anyone left to tie the ropes. The majority of the respondents to the survey wanted to be the one in restraints.

We are a society of people who are busy running—and running the show. What turns so many of us on is the fantasy of just being able to give it up and surrender sexually in a safe and consensual way. It's as if power play is the forbidden fruit of sexuality; so many of us want it that the desire for surrender makes it to The Today Show.

Well, bravo to The Today Show. People are not alone. How freeing is that?

And if playing with ropes, blindfolds, and power is something that you would like to experiment with, please take the time to explore and understand these phrases: Safe, Sane and Consensual, as well as Safe Words.

I am glad that I listened to my mother and turned on the television. It was a taboo-breaking moment.