Shameless Woman

Pursuing an integrated life of sensuality, health, healing and rejuvenation

Three Unspeakable Truths About Female Sexuality

Let's crack open the taboo's around female sexual desire.

The more I write about female sexuality - the more I am realizing that there is still a tremendous amount of taboo around female sexual desire. It amazes me and stuns me everytime I trip over another gate that is keeping women in a place of uncomfortable sexual endurance rather than a place of delicious sexual pleasure.

The only way that we can break these taboos is to talk about what can make some people uncomfortable - so be ready to squirm - because I am going to let it rip!

1. You just can't have too much lube! That's right - for many woman adding a lubricant to love making can make sex go from uncomfortable to ecstatic.  And this is really not just about women who experience "vaginal dryness" which can happen quite normally in women as they age  - this can be about adding pleasure to women who lubricant quite normally. Lubricant's can enhance female pleasure. One more word about aging women and lubricants. If we are going to be comfortable talking to men about "ED" and supporting lots of older men with their erections - we better get comfortable talking to older women about lubricants! It takes two! There I said it! Is everyone doing okay?

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2. Women can suffer from sexual boredom just like men. I know - this is a hard one to believe. After all - according to way too many experts on relationships and female sexuality - if a woman is feeling emotionally connected and loved - she is turned on forever and ever! It is the men - those beasts - who need sexual variety! Hold on to your knickers....here it comes - this is simply not true for all women! Recently - I heard this story about Calvin Coolidge and his wife (told by a relationship expert). The legend goes that the Coolidges were at a farm - and Mrs. Coolidge was watching Mr. Coolidge standing in the barnyard with the chickens. A rooster was vigorously servicing a hen. She alledgedly send a note to Mr. Coolidge asking him to come up and service her the way the rooster was taking are of the hen - to which Mr. Coolidge replied "My dear - look at all of the hens the rooster has to choose from". Well you know - I know a lot of hens - and sometimes after many years of relationship and marriage - some of us look over at the couch and think "Not the same old rooster"! Are you still breathing?

3. Many woman's sexual experiences could be remarkably improved by learning how to receive pleasure as opposed to developing skills on how to give pleasure. If you look around - there are a million courses on how a woman can learn to please a man. It is embedded in our culture going back to the beginning of time.  Sure, I know that there are also lots of books and videos for men about pleasing a woman in bed. But I am actually talking about something radical. What if the sexual partner told their female lover that tonight was just all about them? Have you ever tried that? What if the partner told their female lover that you did not want her to touch back - that your pleasure was simply to give her pleasure. You might meet with resistance - both your own - if you are a woman reading this article - or as the partner who may be told that she doesn't want to do that. That her pleasure is YOUR pleasure. Push on and insist!

We have created a culture of women "doers" as opposed to giving permission for women to simply receive. It is an unimaginable pleasure and concept for many women to simply lay back and receive pleasure. So the last "Unspeakable Truth" about female sexuality is also a sex tip - try it. See what happens.....

 

 

Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

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