Shameless Woman

Pursuing an integrated life of sensuality, health, healing and rejuvenation

My Mother And Her Vibrator

It lived in her closet for years. - until my mother turned 81.

Three years ago, this Shameless Woman convinced my sister to go in on a vibrator as a gift for our mother for her birthday. I think my mom must have been turning 78 or 79 at the time. My mother is a very sexy lady - in fact she wears a necklace that we bought her when our kids were born that says "Sexy Grandma".

My father has been dead for over 26 years. Mom has been a widow for a very long time, since her fifties. There were boyfriends along the way - but the last one died years ago. I had spoken to my mother about masturbation and how important it would be for her to give herself this kind of pleasure, but she usually dismissed me.

And I understand that most people don't ever want to think about their mother's masturbating - and frankly - I really understand that! But I am not most people! I am a sex educator after all! I wanted my mother to be able to continue to have some kind of sexual pleasure in her life - so I thought if we got her a vibrator it might open up a entire new world for her. So we bought the vibrator. It was a very simple one. It wasn't a pink striped, pulsing and twisting dildo....no not that. I didn't want to scare her after all!

We settled on an old fashioned vibrator - the one that has a little "special applicator" attachment. It looked a little like a small mixer but without the beaters. We wrapped it up pretty with a bow and when my Mother opened it - she laughed. And then she looked at us and said "Maybe."

It lived in her closet for years - until my mother turned 81. Every-time I brought it up, mom would tell me that she was frightened of hurting herself. I would talk to her about this. "Come on mom - how are you going to hurt yourself?"

She could never explain to me her fears, and in the end the vibrator remained unused.

And then one afternoon my mother called me. I knew something was up at "Hello." She had this cat who had caught the canary kind of voice....

"Well, I used it!" She gushed.

"Used what?"

"The vibrator!!! I was watching this show on television today and they had this expert on the elderly, and she was taking about how important it was for good overall health for older people to continue to have sex, and how unfortunate it was that many women lose their mates...and that the elderly should be encouraged to masturbate - and this really impressed me! It is the Today Show after all - and then the expert said that we should all go and find a quiet place and explore....so I got the box down!"

Okay - I tried to not be insulted that after three years or more of having this very same conversation with my mother - and even buying her a vibrator, and giving her lube (think about that a moment - I gave my mother lube!). It took this stranger who was on the Today Show to impress her!

"That is SO great Mom! I am so happy!"

"Well, I opened the box. I was nervous about it, but I figured I could read the directions. And you know - the instructions don't even mention sex! How stupid is that? A vibrator that doesn't talk about masturbation! It had all these different attachments. I finally figured out the "Special Applicator" for "Special Places" was the one that I should use. I was a little scared - but I decided that I was just going to do this! What could happen?! I will have you know that your 81-year-old mother had an orgasm in like two minutes! It was so fast! And I soaked the bed! I had forgotten what that felt like! I had forgotten the feeling. It was so good! I guess I didn't lose it from not using it!"

I was stunned. She soaked the bed? "Mom...you ejaculated?"

"All of this fluid shot out of me!"

I have got to tell you, that I know that mom used to do this. She has told my sister and I about this - but neither my sister or I have ever done this. But apparently my mother does not orgasm EVER without ejaculation even at 81!
"That is so cool mom - you know neither Vicki or I ejaculate! They even have classes on how to teach women how to do this....but you do this naturally!"

"You mean you don't have an orgasm?" My mother sounded confused and appalled.

"No, Mom - I have orgasms - lots of them. I just don't ejaculate. I get wet...but liquid does not shoot out of me and soak the bed the way you are describing...." I am talking to my mother about my orgasm now. I am trying to be cool. I am not feeling cool.

"Oh...I thought everyone did that" Said my mother. "Where does it come from?? Yours just stays inside you??"

"I think it comes from glands near the Cervix...but I really don't know...."

I had forgotten that my youngest son, had walked into the apartment while I was chatting up the world of masturbation with my mother. He had made a bee line for the kitchen and I was so distracted that I hardly noticed him. Besides at 17 he was pretty independent. So - he wasn't on my mind until I heard him shout from the kitchen.

"Mom....I am going to throw up! Really Mom...I am going to vomit!!"

Oh God! I couldn't stop laughing! Poor Baby! Let's hear it for small apartments! My son appears from the kitchen carrying a bowl of soup and looks at me and says "No amount of therapy in the world Mom.....do you understand...no amount of therapy in the world."

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Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.

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