Shameless Woman

Pursuing an integrated life of sensuality, health, healing and rejuvenation

by Pamela Madsen

Dependable Pleasure

Food doesn't tell you that you are fat and undesirable.

Published on September 8, 2010 by Pamela Madsen in Shameless Woman

It was a long drive to Boston to visit my sex educator girlfriend who was on the East Coast to attend a conference. Of course I would drive to her. Within the first ten minutes of my arrival she was off and running about the weight she had gained. I looked at my elegant, beautiful girlfriend as she grabbed at the flesh on her arms and belly. "Look at me - Pammy! I am a whale! When have you ever seen me this fat?"

I looked. Yep. It was true she had gained a few pounds. But she was gorgeous and I knew that she didn't want me to tell her that she looked great or that it didn't matter. Reassurance when the scale was up just wasn't helpful. "Food is a pleasure that I can depend on" she wailed. "It is dependable pleasure - sex with my boyfriend is not".

Wow. That really hit me. She was right - food was dependable pleasure. You know just what you are getting in that bag of chips. It does not judge you, yawn in your face, make hurtful remarks or fall asleep on the couch.

And perhaps best of all - food doesn't tell you that you are fat and undesirable. When she emailed me asking that I make the trip to visit with her - her boyfriend - had just had uttered those words to her. It was like the death knell to her self esteem. Food would never, ever do that. Those French Fries are available to serve and not judge. Kind of how many women would like their lovers to be. Is it any wonder that we take comfort in the cupcakes?

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Now - my girlfriend the sex educator can talk a blue streak to women about the benefits of self pleasuring (You know what I mean right?). So I put it to her - "Come on - Oh Sex Goddess - your fingers are dependable pleasure - aren't they?"

"Oh - what's the point!" She sulked. "I can give myself three orgasm and two ejaculations - it's not what I want...."

I walked over to her and put my arms around her shoulders and looked into her tear streaked face - "What do you want? Really? What do you really want?"

And with an angry stomp she told me - "I want to be told that I am beautiful. I want my lover to look at me and for the desire to be so large in his eyes that it will take my breath away. I want my man to want me so badly - that he pushes me against the wall - and crushes me with desire. That is what I want - Pammy. That is what I want so badly."

"Oh Honey - I so get that! Now where are we going to eat dinner?"

"There is a fabulous Indian Restaurant down the block - five stars. I heard the curry is to die for. We have a reservation." She said without skipping a beat.