Shouldn't good conversation involve more than waiting until it's your turn to talk about yourself? Read More
Great Article! This is much needed!
I remember going to a party a long time ago. I walked in and put something I’d brought on the counter in the kitchen. Some guy and I began talking about a transparent soda bottle that had a few inches of opaque plastic at the bottom. We observed, we conjectured, we laughed at the remarkable number of possible functions we could imagine for this design.
This exchange may have been memorable because it took place at that (aargh) moment when you first enter a party not knowing anyone but the person giving it. It was fun, though, and suggests that, if you can find someone who’s conversable, almost any subject might be interesting.
Whatever can be done about these people who immediately have to get your grid coordinates (“What do you do?” [for a living], etc.)? You are forced to begin by talking about yourself.
Thank you for crystallizing my exact thoughts and observations. I am a social person by nature, however, I actually no longer enjoy social gatherings because, it just appears everyone is waiting to take their turn on stage. There is no subsistence conversation taking place and I get bored rather quickly and start tuning out.
I don't have to have deep conversations about deep subjects, I would just like better give and take, better rapport. It seems everyone just grandstands or drones on too long in order to maintain the attention.
I moved from New York to California and have always said that New Yorkers are much better at conversation. But, I'm beginning to think it is age related? Do people get more lonely and need more attention in middle age? Do they get more skilled at speaking and are better able to maintain the stage??
Any other thoughts or observations people? Great topic, thanks Joseph!
I've had enough with conversational narcissists!
I'm no longer a hostage to that devil!
There's just the little problem of should I try to tell the few CN's in my life that they are CN's?
Great article. And it seems I have been for most of my life the attractor of such people, for whatever reason playing psychologist, which I am good at, being intuitive. Maybe I learned early in life it was a way also of getting love and attention.
But I discovered that it's not a healthy, balanced way to be in a relationship with someone else. I'm learning to be my own source of love and acceptance, and a byproduct of that is I am more discerning about who I spend time with. Having said that, old patterns die hard, and I will occasionally find myself repeating those patterns with someone.
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Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychoanalyst and Author of the Popular Blog "After Psychotherapy."
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?