Sex & Sociability

Question and commentary on connections, both sexual and social

Intimacy and Sex

Intimacy and sex, both are desirable but not the same. Read More

SUM IT UP T

We believe that the foundation of any relationship is emotional safety and trust. This means that physical safety is a given and you feel emotionally safe enough to be who you really are and be able to express yourself freely.

Sum It Up T

Yes, that does sum it up. Thank you.

My opinion for what it is worth.

After I sumed it up, I just wanted to say that I don't think that the quote is really possible in the long run. People change and I can no longer trust and put what I have left of my life on another persons ability to love me or not. I don't want to go there anymore. Its too painful. Things in the world are changing at an alarming rate and people are not concerned with others. How about the poor wife that has found out she has aids from her husband. When I read stories like that I am absoulety sickened by it all. I prefer to be alone and I have some good friends and I try to help people when I can. As they say there are no absolutes ever. I prefer a quiet life after what I have gone through. Its safer that way.

Your situation

Your situation is indeed safer. It always is when one keeps his heart to himself and doesn't risk giving it away. A few years ago I was in your situation and was okay with my life. Now I have exactly what you think is impossible, a relationship of mutual trust and intimacy. I feel it was worth the risk for me. It's an individual decision but I want to testify that intimacy as I we both describe it is possible.

I am glad.

That is wonderful. But I am shut down or frozen. I feel content with it for now. Thank you though.

It is tough having to justify everything

I think your article is right on. I have a relationship, but it isn't intimate. I have to justify pretty much everything I say, including what my favorite color is. It just wears me out. I've told my partner that it isn't "safe" to talk with them. That didn't register.

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Isadora AlmanM.F.T., is a Board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist, lecturer, author, and syndicated advice columnist of "Ask Isadora."

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