Sex can be far more than a mere “just.” Read More
I think it's more fundamental/visceral than that.
Humans have an emotional memory: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/06/040610081107.htm,
Regular old p-in-v sex really isn't anything special without some sort of emotional "fingerprint" or resonance to give it meaning. Without this, it really is just another anatomical function.
Drunken, clumsy, fumbled sex is really nothing to write home about, no matter how hot the guy was;)
"Drunken, clumsy, fumbled sex is really nothing to write home about, no matter how hot the guy was;)"
Agreed. But what about hot, lusty, friendly and fun sex between two like-minded people? No love or forever after. Again this kind of sex is not a choice between two polar opposites but another possibility for some people to consider.
When I hear people say "just sex", and it's not uncommon, I think it is a frame they have developed to explain away their disappointments and to lower their expectations of future encounters. Also, I think they might be rationalizing their guilt about their own lack of capacity to express themselves sexually, and to excuse themselves from taking steps to change things.
Whatever the reason, I think it is a very sad state of affairs.
"So why aren’t the opposite—relationships that consist of mostly a sexual connection without the love factor—given equal importance?"
Are you serious? It's because emotional, loving partnerships are rare, valuable things. A pleasurable purely physical sexual experience, though, is basically something anyone can do on their own, without any kind of financial, time, or ego investment and with far less emotional, physical, or medical risk.
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Isadora Alman, M.F.T., is a Board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist, lecturer, author, and syndicated advice columnist of "Ask Isadora."
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?