What I've Learned From 50+ Years of Sex

What I've Learned From 50+ Years Of Sex by Isadora Alman, MFT

The vagaries of human sexuality have been a professional interest of mine for more than 30 years. Anyone interested can check out my curriculum vitae and assume from it that when I write about sex I have credentials to back up my opinions. When it comes to facts about human sexuality rather than opinions, however, there are very few of those that are indisputable, even those "proven" by scientific studies.

The distinctions between male/female, heterosexual/homosexual, even what the definition of sex is (or is is!) become less clear the more we know. I can think of not one absolutely true statement that begins "Women always...." or "Men never...", even those sexually scientific facts that have to do with biology such as XX and XY chromosomes or even visible external genitalia. There are more and more exceptions to hard and fast rules being discovered all the time.
But opinions, those everyone has aplenty; all the more about sex and relationships. I think my long professional interest and experience in the topic and much longer personal interest and experience entitles me to air mine.

* Everyone has body image concerns. If it's not too big then it's too small. Hair grows where it ought not and refuses to where it is wanted. The hair itself is too curly or too straight, too frizzy or too lank, too sparse or too thick. What should jut sags, what should be flat is too round and what ought to be rounder is flat. Even professional beauties like highly paid models are quick to point out their many flaws during tell-all interviews. The only time most of us are content with our bodies is in retrospect, rarely at any current moment in time.

*There are far more erogenous zones on any body than the commonly thought of two or three. They differ from person to person (not all women's are the same at all), and change from time to time and from stimulator to stimulator. Yes, it is said that the largest erogenous zone is the mind, but the skin that covers us head to toe can give that a good run for its money.

* One can continue to learn new things about the body and sexual preferences of the same old partner. All it takes is some creativity and a willingness to explore.

*Each new lover has something to teach you - about yourself far more than about men or women in general.

*It's not the meat, it's the motion....and sometimes it is the meat. A good sexual connection allows for the physical and psychological preferences of every person. Some have strong preferences for short, long, fat, thin, etc. Some people can happily work around their preferences; some are just not that erotically flexible.

* Every person has his or her own standards for what constitutes good sex. Some people have a long list of absolute requirements, some very few. If one's minimum requirements are not being met, any given sexual interaction just isn't going to be satisfying or very much fun.

* Each of us must teach a new partner "the care and feeding of me". Since that may take a long time for us to learn this about ourself it will, of necessity, take some time for a partner to learn it too. Enjoy the process.