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Are We Pathologizing Gay Men by Calling Them Sex Addicts?

Can Gay Men Be Sex Addicts?

Gay Men have historically been taken to task around their sexual behavior--accused of hyper-sexuality, stereotyped as anti-monogomous and promiscuous, and in fact even considered "mentally ill" until 1973.

Although we've come a long way in 38 years, there still lingers a sense of pathology that many gay men wish was left behind with the polyester leisure suits and bell-bottoms. It's easy to understand why a group of people so deeply shunned and denied the simple rights afforded to the rest of Americans, could have adopted a counter-lifestyle that differed from the moral majority.

This was clearly more evident in past generations, when the dividing line between the straights and the gays was hard and fast, but even in this era of marriage equality and Glee there still lingers a judgment toward gay men who "play the field" that straight men seem to escape. This is not much different than a straight single man coined a "bachelor," while the single female is a "slut."

The problem arises when sexual behavior is not rooted in a quest for pleasure or connection, but in escapism and avoidance, which can lead to sexual compulsivity and addiction. Sex addiction is considered an intimacy disorder, in which the need for immediate arousal replaces the need or capacity for intimacy. The repeated, ritualized actions are continued despite negative consequences and are always followed by intense shame.

Sex addiction los angeles certainly does not discriminate, but given the profound nature of internalized homophobia suffered by many gay men, there could be an increased risk of sex addiction and compulsivity. The high level of shame prevents intimacy and promotes isolation and disconnection. The accompanying pain leads a sex addict to seek relief through intense, frequent experiences and behaviors that numb this pain.

Shame around having gay sex has also been linked to crystal meth use, which heightens arousal and intensity during sex, while lowering inhibitions. The correlation between crystal meth use and HIV infection is alarming. A sexually compulsive lifestyle destroys the chance to be present for a loving, intimate relationship, which ironically, is often what's desired most. This lifestyle is easily masked as the sowing of one's wild oats, and perhaps more difficult to identify as a problem for long periods of time.

The differences between an "active, healthy sex life" and sexual addiction are clear, and for those suffering the isolation and danger of a sexually compulsive way of life, specialized treatment is available to bring the behaviors under control and begin the healing process.

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More from Alexandra Katehakis Ph.D., MFT
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