Sex Esteem

How to confidently navigate relationship boundaries

My Sexy Valentine

Six questions to ask yourself if you want a more erotic life

This year, instead of looking to someone else to make you feel special, I wanted to focus on the ways we can make ourselves feel sexier, more erotic, and more desirable. As a sex therapist who sees many women and men in my private practice whose libidos have plummeted as their relationship continues, I am keenly aware of the disappointment individuals have with themselves and their partners over the lack of sexuality in their lives.

This year, I invite you to spend a little time taking a mindful peek inside your mind and body and ask these six important questions:

1) Are you feeling alive and vital in your work and family life so that your energy is high and you get up each morning excited to accomplish what you can?

2) Are you getting enough sleep?

3) Do you have a positive inner dialogue with yourself about your body, its abilities, strengths, sexiest attributes, and the way it moves? 

 

 4) Do you make time to do things that you find sensually arousing, like: taking a bath, dancing to great music, doing yoga, slowly savoring a favorite food, lighting a scented candle, receiving or giving someone a massage? These are things you can do on your own, with a close friend, or with a lover. 

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

 5) Do you allow yourself to think about or see films, read books, or have fantasies or memories that cause your mind and body to get hungry for more sexual touch either with yourself or a partner?

 6) Do you give your body a chance to do something physical that causes you to gain mastery and allows your muscles to get stronger?

If you had three or more positive answers to these questions then I am confident that you will be enjoying your Valentine’s Day with your sexual libido in great shape. If you answered yes to two or less, then you may need to get yourself sexually recharged. Your libido is so important to overall well-being, physically and emotionally. When it wanes or dies, it causes your spirit to lose an important ally. This doesn’t matter whether you have a partner or not, this is the vitality that goes emanating through your veins and allows you to create joy, gain knowledge, and have a community of love around you. So this Valentine’s Day, give yourself the opportunity to wake up refreshed and resolved to revive your libido.

Sari Cooper, L.C.S.W., is a licensed couples and sex therapist and writer in New York City.

more...

Subscribe to Sex Esteem

Current Issue

Let It Go!

It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.