This week the House passed the Aircraft Passenger Whole-Body Imaging Limitations Act, which would restrict the use of so-called “strip-search machines” at the nation’s airports, thus protecting the all-important digitized nudity of the flying public.

Seriously? This is a problem?

The recent installation of ten of these machines at a few airports has provoked outrage among the sorts of no-doubt unappetizing folks nobody wants to see naked anyway. What these folks fail to understand is that there's nothing quite as unsexy as yet another naked body to someone who looks at them all day. Ask any doctor. You stop getting turned on sometime in pre-med classes. Seen one, seen em all – unless there's some fascinating anomaly of medical interest.

As the Roman poet Horace put it, "Nothing is beautiful from every point of view." Believe me, outraged fellow-citizens, this applies to you, too. And nothing drains the beauty more effectively than one of these airport scanners.