Wanting to be creative and actually creating are two different things. After a day at the office, sitting in front of a computer is the last thing I feel like doing. But those days when I've given up and decided to let myself off the hook and sit in front of the tv and ‘relax' instead has left me feeling restless and anxious and instead of feeling content and rested, I find myself pacing the living room and going to bed with a head full of stories from real life, all fighting for the chance to get played out. It's like Dorothy Parker said. I hate writing, but I love having written.
It had been a long and busy week and I knew I wanted to do something creative. I knew I would feel better, calmer and more fulfilled if I did. I also knew I had a backlog of thoughts that had been building inside my mind and were now so bursting to get out, my head was aching with the pressure of it. My feelings were ready to burst as well, and being unable or unwilling to express them, I felt like an emotional Hoover dam, buckling with the force of my feelings and shaking with the passion that swirls through me.
So I there I was at my desk, trying to relax with my herbal tea while simultaneously pushing the thoughts of my week further back into my head. The meetings and emails and phone calls, grocery shopping, cooking dinner and finding time to clean the house and cut the grass is overwhelming. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) do not like to be always doing. We need time to think and reflect. We absorb so much information, including other people's stress, that quiet time is essential to recharge our batteries. And yet when we do have quiet time, we're often too frazzled to do anything. There has to be a doorway, I think, from the hectic modern life of must-dos, to the calm and peaceful place where we can just be and, hopefully, create.
My cursor blinks. Rain hits the window. I sip my tea and play with the little string attached to the tea bag. At the end of the string there is a tag and I discover something written on it. A sort of fortune cookie in a cup. Stress causes my cynicism to kick in and I smirk as I imagine some prophetic advice such as ‘Smile and be happy!'. But what it says is ‘A relaxed mind is a creative mind.'
I cannot write when I've got too much on my mind or when I feel stressed or overwhelmed from too much activity. And yet I try to force myself to write in the belief that I will feel better and more relaxed if I do. But I got it the wrong way around. Writing won't make me feel relaxed. Feeling relaxed will make me write. So instead of getting annoyed with myself for not being creative, I need to take steps to help myself deal with and avoid things that steal my sense of calm. Get enough sleep. Avoid stressful people. Go for walks in the country. Don't try to do too much. Spend some time alone thinking and doing things that interest me. All these things make me feel not only more relaxed, but more positive and fulfilled. And that is how the door opens - not by force, but with the power of an open mind.
