Wikipedia describes a midlife crisis as a period of "dramatic self doubt that is felt by some individuals during the 'middle years' or middle age of life." Personally, as I work with individuals in workshops, therapy, and coaching, I see less self doubt than reevaluation. If we're lucky, "midlife" goes on for a good long time, and we're bound to ask ourselves whether or not the foundations we've built in our young adult years are sustainable as we move forward. I'm delighted to be posting here on psychologytoday.com to encourage those of us who are seeking a proverbial second wind during midlife to find our stride--a stride that feels good to our aging bodies and our ever-changing lives.
My personal entry into the numerous transitions midlife brings came at about the same time I began running marathons. In my first few races, I quickly discovered that I was what is known as a "back-of-the-packer." As I pressed through each mile, often alone after most runners had finished and gone home, I was struck by how participating in a marathon (26.2 miles) mirrored what I was going through in my life. At that time, I was facing several personal setbacks, working through the grief of a divorce, making peace with failures, and trying to discern how to press on. Likewise, in the marathon I learned to run through pain, find training partners that fit my slow pace, push past "the wall" at about mile 17, patiently trudge through hours of loneliness and boredom, catch that coveted second wind, and then--finally--reach the goal and receive the reward. It turns out that every long run is a mini classroom.
I'll never forget a runner I met during my third marathon who taught me a lesson about passion. I'll call him Mick. Mick was seventy-five years old and had run over a hundred marathons. I trotted up beside him about half way through the race, and we struck up a conversation in which he told me he'd chipped his hip the previous summer and had had to take some time off running. He was just getting back on track. He had plans to do races the following two weekends in addition to this one, he told me. Mick said he'd started running when he was fifty years old. He'd reevaluated his life at that point and decided that he needed to do something to ensure he wouldn't start sliding "downhill" as he'd watched his father do in midlife.
I was only thirty-nine at the time, but I had an epiphany that day running next to Mick: Passion is for now! Mick loved running. It made him feel alive and vibrant and real. Soon I picked up my pace and said goodbye to Mick (he was one of a very few runners slower than I was that day), but as I left him, I felt changed for the better with a new commitment. As I headed into my fortieth year, I was going to search out and engage in that which inspired my sense of passion. What was I waiting for?
What are you waiting for? Whether your passion is running, yoga, quilting, baking cakes, or playing soccer, I hope you'll join me as we seek to make the most of midlife. It's time to regroup, reevaluate, and run forward. Seek out that which makes you feel passionate and fully engaged. Stick with me; I'll offer reflections, encouragement, and tools to help you catch your second wind in the marathon of life.
