It was all I could do to keep from getting the needle. Walking in with a purpose, the nurse directed me to turn on my side. I told her she was in the wrong room, to get out. Only when she turned on the light did she realize I was the doctor. I had come in for an emergency and lay down for a few hours before having to get up again. Sometimes, nurses need orientation.

Social worker Darryl tells a similar story. He says the worst offenses happen with gay patients. He says that his gay patients, and there are thousands of them now, tell him many hospital staff workers don't accept their sexual orientation. One patient woke up to a group of nurses praying around his bed: They were praying to de-gay him. Can you imagine a group of nurses praying to covert an atheist patient to a believer? So many gays keep their sexual orientation to themselves.

Isn't it bad enough you have an illness? That's what Darryl thinks. So to support gays with illness, especially prostate cancer, Darryl started the not-for-profit MaleCare. At first, MaleCare offered monthly support group meetings in Manhattan. Today, it offers lectures, workshops, informational web sites, blogs, and such awareness programs as Men's Health Night, when you're supposed to turn on a blue bulb. MaleCare works in niche services, including the first national support program for gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual people with cancer and the world's only male breast cancer support group. Unlike most prostate advocacy groups, MaleCare goes beyond cancer to also offer information about chronic prostatitis, which no-one seems willing to discuss.

Darryl is a practical man who delights in practical news. "Now that the FTC has laid into pomegranate juice, I'm switching to Coca Cola," he says with a grin. And as for patients' sexual orientation, he offers this bit of advice: "Please ask, please tell."

The reality is that every doctor has gay patients. If he thinks otherwise, he simply hasn't asked. And this matter of sexual preference matters. As Darryl asks: Who would you like to have holding your hand as you're being wheeled into surgery: Your life partner or a hospital orderly? And who would you like to have get visitation rights in the hospital?

And if you're gay, the reality is that your doctor may have missed it. You think that just because you bring your partner to your doctor visits and he sits with you in the room that your doctor has a clue? Maybe not.